When You’re Raising Kids Alone

Faith, Not Fear

Noted author and Christian child psychologist James Dobson wrote a book titled Parenting Isn’t for Cowards (W Publishing Group). When I first read the title, I thought it was a bit strong. But Dobson is right. Parenting, including single parenting, isn’t for people who shun their responsibilities or are afraid to meet the challenges of raising children.

The Bible says Hagar wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba. Located in the southernmost part of Judah, Beersheba was a desert that still exists today. Its name means “well of oath” and “seventh well,” indicating that its function is to be a constant source.

Hagar was frightened at the prospect of losing her son to the wilderness, just as single moms are fearful of losing their children to this world. Scripture says she placed Ishmael “a good way off” and said, “Let me not see the death of the child” (Gen. 21:16, KJV). She then turned her back to him and cried.

Can you identify with Hagar as I do? The pressures of this world are enough to leave even the most committed single mom distraught! But take heart. God has given us a command to “fear not.”

Today, single moms are fearful for a number of reasons. Divorced women are afraid they will lose custody of their children. Some moms are afraid their children will not have the opportunity to go to college. Others are concerned that their children will take a wrong turn in life.

Oftentimes, our problems and situations are overwhelming; the odds seem stacked against us. For instance, the Census Bureau reports that children from single-parent homes are twice as likely to drop out of high school before they turn 18 as children from two-parent homes and 2.5 times as likely to have children out of wedlock. Such statistics indicate that single moms are currently one of the fastest-growing demographic groups in the church.

Single parenting takes faith, trust in God and action. When Hagar cried out to God, He “opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink” (v. 19). God provided a well of water for her and Ishmael. That well represented His never- ending commitment to single mothers and their children.

Raising a Great Nation

God has given all parents the unique opportunity and special privilege of raising children who will love and serve Him. It is our responsibility to fulfill our duties as parents so that God can make of them a great nation (see Gen. 21:18).

The angel of the Lord told Hagar to “lift up” the child. It takes commitment and hard work to help our children reach their purpose and destiny in life.

When I was in the sixth grade, I talked a lot. I would lock myself in the bathroom and render what I thought were award-winning speeches to a make-believe audience. My mother would sometimes get tired of my jabbering and insist that I stop talking so much.

Later she would come back and tell me how God was going to use me to spread His Word. As a journalist with Charisma magazine, I’m fulfilling my mother’s words partly because she “lifted” me up and spoke into my life.

If our children are to rise up and be effective, we must take strategic steps to nurture them.

I believe the most powerful tool in impacting our children for Christ is prayer. During my years as a high school teacher, I learned that single parenting was a key factor in a child’s being at risk to drop out of school.

After discovering the odds were against me, I started praying Scriptures that contradicted the data. When Faith went to sleep at night, I knelt in her bedroom and prayed: Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and you will remain sexually pure.

Sometimes I laid my hands on her feet and said: His Word is a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path; you will take the straight and narrow pathway in life. And I spent many years at her bedside praying against turbulent teen years. Today, Faith is a born-again, pageant type who loves youth ministry and cheerleading. We can always trust God to perform His Word.

Another important tool is training our children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). If we spend quality time instilling godly character through Bible study, loving discipline, church attendance and setting the right example, our children will beat the odds against growing up holy in a one-parent home.

Perhaps the most effective tool in reaching families headed by single moms is a single-parent ministry. Today, many churches are finding ways to help lighten the load with everything from Mom’s Day Out programs, free child care and food giveaways to free car repairs, support groups and job placement services. Such congregations are intentionally reaching the next generation by helping to equip, support and disciple single moms in faith and family life.

I know from experience that it’s not easy raising a child alone. But I also know that single moms can trust God to provide, through the church and other means, a well of spiritual water—like the natural well He showed Hagar in the wilderness—that will bring us hope as we seek to raise a chosen generation for Christ.

Valerie G. Lowe is the editor of SpiritLed Woman eMagazine and the associate editor of Charisma. She is also the founder of a ministry for single moms called Keep the Faith ([email protected]).