Friendship is one of the most influential forces in a person’s life, yet many struggle to tell the difference between people who genuinely care and those who only appear supportive.
Pastor Vlad Savchuk of HungryGen Ministries recently broke down why this matters more than most believers realize. He argues that the relationships surrounding you can either strengthen your walk with God or slowly drain the life out of it.
Savchuk teaches that the Holy Spirit often nudges believers about people they’ve allowed too close. Those quiet warnings aren’t paranoia. They’re protection. The Spirit can reveal attitudes, motives and conversations you’ll never hear directly, preparing you to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy long before the damage sets in.
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1. They drain your peace
Savchuk says a major warning sign is how you feel after someone walks away. If their presence leaves you tense or exhausted instead of strengthened, the relationship may be taxing your spirit instead of supporting it.
2. They love your platform more than your pain
Fake friends gravitate to your success but vanish when life gets real. Savchuk explains that they enjoy the benefits of being connected to you but have no interest in standing with you when you’re hurting or hidden.
3. They gossip and break confidence
If someone freely shares other people’s secrets, Savchuk says you can assume they’ll mishandle yours the same way. Gossip is a preview of how they treat trust.
4. They try to control who you honor or connect with
Another red flag is when a person pressures you to distance yourself from others so they can feel secure. Savchuk notes that shrinking your circle isn’t loyalty; it’s manipulation wrapped in friendship language.
5. They compete with you instead of celebrating you
Envy reveals itself quickly. Savchuk points out that some people interpret your progress as a threat. A genuine friend is excited when you rise. A fake one resents it.
6. They view access to you as a bargaining chip
Savchuk warns about people who value proximity because of what it gives them. These relationships feel transactional. They want your platform, your connections or your influence—not you.
7. They only take and never give
When someone is always withdrawing and never depositing encouragement, support or presence, Savchuk says the imbalance shows their real intentions. Healthy friendship requires reciprocity.
Savchuk urges believers to stay alert to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. If something feels off, pay attention. The Spirit’s goal isn’t to isolate you but to protect what God is building in your life. Real friends help you grow. Fake ones drain the strength God gave you. Discernment is the ability to tell the difference.
James Lasher, a seasoned writer and editor at Charisma Media, combines faith and storytelling with a background in journalism from Otterbein University and ministry experience in Guatemala and the LA Dream Center. A Marine Corps and Air Force veteran, he is the author of The Revelation of Jesus: A Common Man’s Commentary and a contributor to Charisma magazine.
