Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment
I had made a judgment against all men, including Howard,
who took the brunt of it. Now I genuinely wanted to make things right,
yet somehow I could not seem to forgive him from my heart.
“I seem stuck at this same place, unable to really forgive Howard,” I sighed one afternoon as I sat at Dick and Marilyn’s table.
Dick slowly and deliberately quoted from a passage in
Luke’s gospel: “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not
judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be
condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:36-37).
He paused, then added, “The definition of mercy here is,
don’t judge, don’t condemn, forgive. But before you can give mercy and
forgiveness to another, you must first apply this principle to your own
life.”
For a long time I’d been trying to forgive Howard. But
there was always that unseen boulder in my heart blocking my best
efforts.
In order to forgive unconditionally, I needed to quit
judging myself and to embrace God’s forgiveness for me. But forgiveness
begins with an understanding of mercy.
Often we have a sentimental picture of mercy. But God’s definition is much more pointed toward redemptive action.
Jesus encountered people caught in the grip of sin, yet
He didn’t judge or condemn them. Instead, He mercifully extended
healing and forgiveness.
A moment of great release came after I reported my
outburst about “all men” to Dick and Marilyn. We talked about my need
to forgive my father and Howard and to release all men from the
judgment I had against them.
Dick began leading me through a prayer of forgiveness. As I spoke, a deep, deep pain began surging through me.
Then a depth of forgiveness such as I have never known
swept over me. I was so in touch with our Lord’s incredible love that
nothing in me wanted to withhold forgiveness or mercy.
Forgiving the Debt
It’s hard to describe the impact of what was evolving in
our family. Howard, whom I’d judged as uncaring and hard-hearted, began
to look like a different person to me. When the Spirit does the work,
we see as Jesus sees.
At lunch one day, a friend mentioned that the Lord had
spoken to her through the story of the ungrateful servant. Though the
servant had freely received mercy from his master regarding a debt he
owed, he refused to extend mercy to the person who owed a debt to him
(see Matt. 18:21-35).
Thinking about this story made me realize that although
Howard and I had learned much about forgiveness, there was one more
step to be taken. Not only are we to forgive others for what they have
done, but also we are to forgive them for what we perceive they “owe”
us.
In our relationships, some of our expectations for
respect and responsible behavior are healthy and legitimate. They are
based on our understanding of love in action (see Rom. 13:8).
But what if we come to realize those legitimate desires
will never be fulfilled by imperfect human beings? The only thing left
is to forgive the debt.
I needed to forgive Howard for what I believed he owed
me—past and present—and release him from any future expectations of
perfect behavior I might have of him.
Later that week, I was working upstairs in my office when
Howard came in to ask my forgiveness for something he’d done. I knew I
needed to bring up the issue of canceling the debt.
“Howie, I’ve been holding you responsible for a long time
for a debt I felt you owed me. As of this day, I am totally releasing
you.”
The Lord’s presence descended quietly into the room in a
way we’d never experienced. We held each other and wept as we prayed.
All debt was now canceled.
That day the enemy was stripped of his power to wreak
havoc in our home and our marriage. For two days, Howard sat in his
rocking chair, weeping quietly, utterly drained and too weak to move.
Something powerful had happened in the spiritual realm.
The Lord was touching Howard with His healing power in a new depth of
release.
The Fruit of Forgiveness
Shortly after the canceling of the debt, we began talking
about the painful patterns we had set up in our marriage. We agreed
that our pattern of relating to each other had been negative from the
moment we “brought in the baggage” with our marriage vows.
I came into marriage with voracious needs for love and
acceptance resulting from the pain of my childhood. I came with the
expectation that Howard would not only meet my needs, but also become a
source of life to me.
Howard talked about insecurities he’d struggled with
since childhood, the tremendous pressure and disappointments he’d felt
at work when we were first married and how panic gripped him at having
the responsibility of a family.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I now understood why Howard had become so distant.
In our vulnerability, the Holy Spirit’s presence tangibly
enveloped us. We were learning to walk in the truth of God’s Word and
in the power of the resurrected Lord Jesus.
No longer would we be reaping from our foolish ways.
Instead God would be producing the fruit of love, mercy and forgiveness
in us—His way.
Jane Hansen Hoyt serves as international president and CEO
of Aglow International, a ministry that is impacting the lives of women
in 135 nations. She is the author of Fashioned for Intimacy. Adapted from The Journey of a Woman by Jane Hansen, copyright 1998. Published by Regal. Used by permission.
Bunni Pounds 
Marilyn Hickey Ministries 
