When You’ve Got Nothing Left to Give

I’m crying “Uncle!”

So now what?

I don’t know. I can’t really call “Uncle.” just because I give up doesn’t mean things stop or go away. I’m still a single momma. I still have five children. I still need to take care of them and our home and our finances and our future. I still need to get up and live this life.

Lord, how?

How do I move forward when I feel so overwhelmed?

You say that I can trade burdens with You—that Yours is easy and light. I want that. I want easy and light. Lord, what does that look like—I mean, practically? When there is just so much to do and so many emotions and thoughts rolling around inside of me, how do I untangle the mess of me?

Lord, I think I can’t just give You a burden. I think I need to give You me. I want to jump in Your arms and rest. Sleep. I want You to handle everything for me. I can’t hide though, Lord. I have to do something—what do I do?

“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you. … Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. … You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you” (2 Chr. 20:12, 15, 17).

I’m really praying about this.

I think what I do is just do this day—just take this day and its mess and do it, and rest in the fact that God has my tomorrows.

Do what I can. Honestly, right now, there just seems to be too much to do, too much for one person with limited resources.

I think the thing I need most is time. Time to do all the things that need to be done so there isn’t so much to do. Do you know what I mean?

If I could just get rid of some things, declutter, organize and take care of all the house projects that stare at me daily, maybe that would help me get past some of the stress. Maybe. I hate to use the “If I could just” phrase, because part of me thinks that I just have to learn to let go and let God. Just not sure what that means, you know? What does that look like?

I have a basement that should be dealt using a shovel and dumpster, a car that needs to be power-washed on the inside, an office that has way too many papers all over the place and children’s rooms that have been taken over by clothing and damp towels. Honestly, it’s enough to drive me bonkers. I think I’m pretty close to bonkers. And that’s just annoying little stuff. Why does that stuff make me so nuts?

The other day there was a tornado warning and I thought for a moment, “Hmm … ” Like that’s a viable option! I could just take my kids, the dogs and a very few precious things, and the wind could have the rest.

We’ll cram into a little apartment and just be us and a few things. That sounds lovely. (It’d probably only be lovely for about two hours and then I’d regret it.)

I know from emails and messages that many of us are feeling overwhelmed by our circumstances, and those circumstances include all the pain and sadness of divorce and single parenting.