When You’re Not Wanted

Well, there you have it. Beyoncé sings that women rule the world, but in the end, her dad still rules her heart. Her longing for affirmation and approval from him haunts her well into her successful career and many accomplishments.

The entertainment industry is filled with women with daddy issues. But outside of the entertainment industry is filled with the same. The church is filled with women with the same issues.

Our daddy issues spill into our God issues. And then our God issues spill into the rest of our lives. I have many good friends who have wrestled with and still are wrestling with the absence of affirmation from their fathers (or the absence of a father altogether) and the ways that clouds their beliefs about their heavenly Father. The best thing I know to do is revisit the truth from Scripture again and again and again. I did that as I sat in my car and cried that day, trying not to let my friend’s rejection define me and ruin my day.

Nothing can separate me from the love of God. He has a good plan for my life, set in motion from before time began. I am in Christ, and God welcomes me to come before Him boldly and confidently, because I am now wearing Christ’s robe of righteousness. He has blessed me in Christ with every spiritual blessing, adopted me as His own and lavished His grace on me. He has a good plan for my life and good works planned for me to accomplish for Him (Rom. 8; Eph. 1).

These are the truths that enabled me to dry my tears, get out of my car and go on with my day still hurt by my friend but not defined by it. Perhaps most profound, those truths enabled me to reach out to that same friend the next week. And you know what? We had a reasonably nice time that had me thinking perhaps I had read too much into our previous interaction.

Affirmation and identity are powerful things. There’s not much in the way of affirmation and identity that can sustain us long-term, especially through painful rejection. But the affirmation from our Father in heaven gives us an identity that endures. Call on it in such moments. It’s quite powerful.

Wendy Alsup is an author and blogger. She is also a wife, mom and college math teacher who loves ministering to women. Check out her blog at theologyforwomen.org.