When ‘What Ifs’ Keep You Up at Night

It is the middle of the night and I’m awake. Wide awake.

Yesterday I stayed home from work because I’ve been fighting a wicked cold or flu thing and I slept most of the day. I was actually thinking I might be well-rested for the next day.

No such luck.

Part of the problem is my house got quite warm and I just don’t sleep in warmth.

Secondly, I’m anxious.

“do not be anxious about anything …” (Phil. 4:6, ESV).

Every time I say the word anxious, those words pop into my head.

And yet, I’m having difficulty letting go of my fear.

It’s this storm coming.

It’s feeling unprepared.

It’s the fact that I delayed something I shouldn’t have. Been on my to-do list for three months. Since I bought this house.

And I haven’t done it … just kept moving it to the next day.

For three months.

So many things are like that for me .. .there is just so much to do. What other really important things have I missed, forgotten, or put too far down the list?

I’m watching the rain drizzle right now, and fearing the deluge that is predicted.

I keep praying … placing my fear in God’s hands … and then picking it back up again … then repeating the process until I can’t sleep.

I have thought about walking around my home praying. I began my walk and then decided that I want to write some verses down and place them around my house. I’ve wanted to do that for a while as well.

Why did I buy a house close to water?

Water and me … well, we have a history. Wet basement over and over again. Wet yard … rivers running through it over and over again. Wet. Wet. Wet.

Even my kids have joked that we will just have to accept that we are destined to own a water park at some point in our lives … I’m just hoping it isn’t my first floor.

“but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving

“let your requests be made known to God …” (Phil. 4:6).

I am praying…now I need to start thanking.

I am so very thankful for this wonderful house. So thankful for the dreamy yard. So thankful for the beautiful wood floors. So thankful for the bedrooms for children. So thankful for a washer and dryer that work. So thankful for air conditioning. So thankful for my relaxing backporch. So thankful for kind neighbors. So thankful for my little kitchen. So thankful for a place to live.

Oh but even as I pray and know know know that I can trust my God who gave this all to me … I’m fearful.

I know it is because sometimes things still go horribly awry. Sometimes prayers aren’t answered the way I hoped … the way that seemed best.

What if…?

How often have I uttered that phrase, if not aloud at least in my head … and even my heart?

Too many times.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:6-7).

Deep breath.