Setting the Foundation for Godly Relationships Between Men and Women in the Church

Why are these men secure? Why do they welcome my knowledge and opinions? I think the answer for men is the same as the one for women—knowing our identity in Christ. We call it sonship. I perceive that these men know who they are in Christ. They have an identity secure in Him, and a woman with opinions on politics or theology (or sports) who disagrees with them doesn’t really throw them for a loop. Their manhood is secure … in Christ. And men who relate to women from their secure vantage point as sons of the Most High are equipped for healthy relationships with the opposite gender.

These men aren’t threatened by my knowledge. They also aren’t threatened by my sexuality. I’m not a walking temptation by any means, but regardless of whether I find them handsome or they find me pretty, I find them my brother in Christ. Any thoughts toward them outside of that framework would just be inappropriate and weird. It would be creepy. It would be like spiritual incest. When men and women relate as brothers and sisters in Christ, inappropriate things become distasteful. I will discuss this point more in the next post.

2. Men who value my contributions to the church. These men, secure in their sonship in Christ, are kingdom focused. They know the Word of God and are committed to serving God as He has gifted them. So when a woman comes along, they either are burdened for her growth in Christ or, if she already shows a maturity in faith, they recognize their need for her in kingdom work.

Again and again, ministry-minded men who value work in the kingdom of God have welcomed my contributions. Several have been the primary ones to discern how God has gifted me for kingdom work and encouraged me to live out those giftings.

Men in the body of Christ need women in the body of Christ, and vice versa. From our secure foundation as sons and daughters of the Most High, we are free to relate to each other without suspicion for the mutual work of building up the kingdom. As Paul valued and used his sister Phoebe, who was no biological relation to him but rather was his sister in Christ who valued the work of God’s kingdom and was equipped to aid in it, may sons and daughters of the Most High value their spiritual siblings and work in unity for the glory of God.

Adapted from Wendy Alsup’s blog, theologyforwomen.org. Wendy has authored three books, including The Gospel-Centered Woman. She is also a wife, mom and college math teacher who loves ministering to women.