If You Hate Confrontation, Read This

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will boast in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, in reproaches, in hardships, in persecutions, and in distresses for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9-10).

Hello. My name is Adessa and I am a wuss.

A wimp. A chicken.

When it comes to confrontation, I absolutely hate it!

I avoid it at all costs. The truth is that too often I just give people what they want rather than stand up for myself or say how I really feel. The thought of having to tell someone something they don’t want to hear makes me physically sick. When it looks like there’s going to be an argument, I’m more than likely to run away than actually face it.

This is me. I could go through the whole story telling you why I am this way and which of my relatives passed this trait onto me, but the truth is that at this point the details don’t matter. I am the way I am.

In spite of this, here’s what I know: The heavenly Father does not like this part of my personality.

I’ve got pretty convincing proof that He’s opposed to this defect in my personality: He is always trying to help me overcome it.

How, might you ask?

He keeps allowing situations in my life that require bravery, honesty and, dare I say it, confrontation. Even though I’ve tried running away, avoiding confrontation, and just about anything else I can I can think of, nothing works.

God keeps allowing me to go through things that require me to function in my weakness. He permits situations where the only answer is to have a difficult conversation, to be brave, to take a risk. I think He’s going with the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” theory.

Of course, my initial reaction is to ask, “Why do I have to keep going through the same trial? Different names, faces and details, but always the same thing?”

It’s the old “Why can’t God just love me the way I am?” question.

Of course the answer is that God does love me—He loves me too much to let me stay the way I am. He knows that this particular quality is a defect in my personality. It’s hurting me and it’s not healthy. Just like no doctor would let a patient with an injury stay injured, God cannot watch one of His children continue being unhealthy when He knows that some physical therapy will cause healing and make His children stronger and healthier.

So He challenges us and makes us uncomfortable.

He allows circumstances in our lives that attack the unhealthy, harmful things in our lives with the purpose of annihilating them and replacing them with the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. This is true in my life.

So He’ll keep putting me through spiritual therapy, making me stronger and wiser until the day I can actually say with certainty, “My name is Adessa and I am not afraid.”

What about you?

• What struggles do you see reappearing in your life over and over again?
• What makes you say, “I can’t believe I’m facing this again? Why does this keep happening to me?”
• Is it possible that God is allowing this struggle in your life because He sees things in you that He wants you to overcome?
• Do you have weak areas where God is trying to make you stronger?

The truth is that nothing can touch a believer that does not first pass through the hand of God. When we are constantly faced with the same issues over and over again, we need to realize that our only exit strategy is for us to once and for all overcome.

Look that challenge in the eye, see what God is doing inside of you, agree with Him that you do need to improve in that area and say, “Bring it on!” Let’s kick this weakness to the curb and finally become the women God wants us to be.

Are you with me?

Reprinted with permission from © Her Green Room, Assemblies of God Women’s Department. Adessa Holden is an ordained minister in the Penndel District of the Assemblies of God with a passion for challenging women to apply the principles of God’s Word to every area of their daily lives. She graduated from Valley Forge Christian College. Today, she serves as the founder and editor of A Well Rounded Woman Ministries. Recently, she co-founded For a Single Purpose, an online magazine targeting today’s Christian single woman. If you ask her about herself, she’ll tell you, “I’m a single gal, a female minister, a sister and a daughter. I love to laugh and spend time with friends. I’ll eat anything chocolate. I love music, and I’m a bit of a cleaning freak. It is my absolute honor and privilege to serve Jesus Christ and women through this ministry.”