But God showed me that my testimony wasn’t about what I could or couldn’t do…my testimony is what God has done and is still doing in my life.
And He worked mightily in those days following the shattering. He loved me and my children through our church, our home-school community, our neighbors, and even the city where my husband had worked. He provided for us in amazing ways. He gave us peace and even joy in the midst of our pain and breaking. It was HIM, all Him.
Just as light shows through or water pours out of cracks in a broken pot, Jesus shows through our brokenness.
He showed through broken vows when He gave me the strength, peace and perspective to fight for my marriage in the face of my husband’s betrayal. Believe me, it wasn’t me.
He showed through the broken relationships caused by my husband’s actions when He gave our friends wisdom, kindness, compassion, and grace to pursue my husband and love him despite his response.
He showed through our broken home by strengthening the bond my children and I have, strengthening our faith, and gracing us with love and joy.
He showed through my broken heart when I was able to comfort with the comfort I’d been given (2 Cor. 1:4).
I could probably think of a million more ways that God has shown through the brokenness of my life. I’ve seen it in others too. My friends who have or who are battling illness…the grace they have while suffering greatly. The way my suffering friends reach out to others in their grief and pain. The compassion I see in my children because they understand what it means to be loved by others while going through difficulties. The love I see in those who have had their hearts broken, but are still willing to open up to love again.
So I’m thinking that maybe being broken isn’t such a bad thing.
Especially if God is allowing the breaking…which I believe He does. If God allows it, He is going to use it. If God allows it, He is going to bring good out of it. If God allows it, He is going to bring us through it. If God allows it, He is going to be glorified! All those things are good…very good.
I really am OK being referred to as broken. I’m not a broken woman. I’m a woman broken by the Lord so that I can be healed. And I believe that I’m much better as a healed woman than I ever was before the breaking.
I have a long way to go, and there is a lot of brokenness that needs to be healed.
I’m realizing this is a big topic. One that I’m going to have to ponder more. Because it’s one thing for me to be broken and to watch God work with me toward healing. It is another thing altogether to watch how the breaking of so much in our lives has affected my children. That has been very very difficult for me. I’m definitely going to have to pray about that before I share my thoughts.
I believe it’s going to be me again recognizing that I have to entrust my children to God. I have to believe that He is working good for them in all of this too.
A lot to pray and ponder, to be sure.
Thank you so much for being willing to walk this path with me. For being interested in my thoughts. I pray that they have encouraged you that no matter what way we describe our families—whole, broken, wounded, healing, etc.—God has us, and it is good.
Sue Birdseye is an author and single mom of five kids who range in age from 4 to 17. Her book, When Happily Ever After Shatters (Tyndale House), is in bookstores. This is adapted from her blog, uptomytoes.com.