Breaking the Cycle of Comparing Yourself With Others

I instantly wanted to say, “Really?”

Umm … no.

Single parenting is more than just not having another parent around for the day … it is a thousand decisions, actions, reactions, activities, and sleepless nights. It is more than just having to deal with children alone … it is doing it ALL alone.

And then I had to stop and think.

(Something I should really do a lot more.)

So what? So what if this dear husband wanted to say that about his sweet wife? That was wonderful that he recognized it was going to be a challenging weekend for her … and I’m sure it was.

Does my struggle lessen her struggle in any way?

NO!

God has continually reminded me over the last several years … ironically during the most difficult part of my life … that other people’s struggles are no less valid just because they don’t seem THAT bad to me.

Sometimes I can even own my suffering and struggles a little too much for my own good. They become my defining feature …

Does that even make sense?

There have been times in a Bible study when I have listened to prayer requests from others and wanted to say, “Really, that’s all you got?!?!”

What!?!?!

What would possess me to be so judgmental? So prideful? So unkind?

I honestly don’t know apart from the obvious … sin.

And that is what God has been dealing with in my life. The sin of comparison—which is probably the sin of pride or discontent or both.

I can look at other women and think, “Gosh, I’m such a mess. Why can’t I have it all together like them?” or “Why do they get it so “easy”?”

Or I can look at another woman and think, “You think THAT is challenging … let me share challenging.”

I cringe to even typing those words, because I know that we all struggle in different ways and for different causes. Life is challenging for all of us.

I will say it again … just because I find my life challenging doesn’t mean that your life isn’t. And just because my situation doesn’t look challenging to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t challenging to me.

And you know what? No matter where we are in life, someone has it worse off. We pretty much just need to turn on the news and see that fact.

I guess where I’m going with all this is that there really isn’t any place for us to start comparing, condemning, and criticizing each other. There just isn’t.

Here is what we are called to do for one another:

“But as God has given to every man and as the Lord has called every man, so let him walk” (1 Cor. 7:17).

“Watch, stand fast in the faith, be bold like men, and be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13).

“And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Gal. 6:9-10).

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you were called. 2 With all humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 be eager to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1-3).

“And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you” (Eph. 4:32).

“Let nothing be done out of strife or conceit, but in humility let each esteem the other better than himself. 4 Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:3-4).

“So embrace, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, a spirit of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, and longsuffering. Bear with one another and forgive one another. If anyone has a quarrel against anyone, even as Christ forgave you, so you must do. And above all these things, embrace love, which is the bond of perfection. Let the peace of God, to which also you are called in one body, rule in your hearts. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Col. 3:12-17).

Let’s be gracious and kind to one another … let’s not devour each other over the perception of the good or bad in someone else’s life.

Really when it comes down to it … the focus of our lives should be thankfulness … because the focus of our lives should be the gospel.

When I have the perspective of grace, I cannot be dragged down by comparisons, either ones others make or the ones I make.

“But now in Christ Jesus you who were formerly far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He is our peace” (Eph. 2:13-14).

I believe I’m still growing … still learning how to be the woman God has created me to be … still measuring my life, to some extent, by the before and after … but I’m learning how to be more graceful.

I’m offering grace to me more. And offering grace to others more. At least I’m trying to—not always easy.

God has called us to it, so let’s do it.

Let’s love one another.

Let’s cheer for one another.

Let’s encourage one another.

Let’s be glad for one another.

Let’s weep with one another.

Let’s laugh with one another.

Let’s help one another.

Let’s be about grace to one another! {eoa}

Sue Birdseye is the author of When Happily Ever After Shatters (Tyndale House) and single mom of five kids. This is adapted from her blog, uptomytoes.com.