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Be transparent—While on deployment or even short underway periods, be emotionally responsible with your spouse to maintain trust. Share your day, the good and the bad. If you’re the spouse at home, tell your husband or wife what you did that day or week, where you went, people you met with, the money you spent, the bills you paid as well as those you forgot to pay. If you’re the spouse underway, do the same. If on a port call, share the places you went to, venture out in groups with the same sex, how much money you spent, and interesting events you encountered.
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Forget being right or wrong. We’ve all been there, but there comes a time when this mindset has to end if what is truly wanted is a healthy and working marriage. Strive for solutions that steer you in the direction of unity.
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Reconfirm your commitment to your spouse throughout the deployment. Think of ways that honestly convey emotional trust. Start with “I appreciate that you ________________ (fill in the blank).”
When failure happens, don’t give up. If trust was breached, it’s normal to feel hurt and want to shut the offending spouse out. However, if you’re willing, let your spouse know he or she can earn your trust back, but genuine changes that bear results must happen. Put accountability steps in play.
Lisa Nixon Phillips is a retired Navy wife, mother, author and business owner with her husband, Ray. In 1986, she left Kansas and started a new life in California where she met and married her husband of 27 years. A passionate supporter of her husband’s military service, Phillips volunteered for various military family events during the span of his 21 years of service. While stationed on the island of Guam, she served as an Ombudsman to the Navy’s ship repair facility.
Like every military family, Phillips and her husband experienced difficult times during training missions, deployments and PCS moves, but she attributes her resiliency as a military wife to her faith. She and her husband currently reside with their two pugs in Arlington, Washington.
