Grace in Conflict

We behave as though the battle were ours, to be won by our
own devices. If only we understood that “by grace [we] have been saved
(Eph. 2:5).” We are constantly being saved from our old ways by a living
relationship with God. This is the same God who has paid the price for
every weakness within us and others, year after year, every day of our
lives.

Our repentance and His ready forgiveness restore us
quickly and give us the courage to trust Him to change us from the
inside out. Christ is our Redeemer. When we repent of both our pitiful
attempts to rescue ourselves and our demands that others redeem us by
changing, we will become free to see and say the truth.

The glory of being forgiven causes us to cherish Him so
much that others’ power to color our views is destroyed. Intimacy with
Him brings new understanding. Living in love with One who embraces us
when all others flee brings us to surrender to His Spirit’s work in us,
no matter what the earthly consequence.

When we are wrong, we can embrace discipline and
correction without shame, knowing it will do us good. As we rest in His
unfailing love others lose their ability to diminish or destroy us with
their judgments or actions. Suddenly, we see the truth of everyone’s
responsibilities within the conflict. When we are wronged, we will
discover an amazing reserve of compassion for even the most offensive!

Dying to Live

Until we are convinced of God’s grace toward others and us
we will never be able to behave justly. Without grace, the extremes of
victimization or control and manipulation will haunt our responses.

As we learn to live by grace, we die to providing our own
security. We see Jesus spreading a table filled with all the safety we
need, right in the presence of those who we fear would like to destroy
us. Out of that safety we are able to speak lovingly and compassionately
to those who offend us or undermine our every move.

If grace has not arrived for them yet, the law and the
need to be “right” still hold them in a tight grip. They fight the
lonely, futile battle of self-preservation—preservation of a self that
does nothing but keep them in turmoil.

Death is what we all need—death to performing for
approval, being the smartest, being right. If we don’t resist trusting
God through such a death, intimacy will be in our reach.

Dying to our old self-protecting ways during conflict is a
lot like free-falling from a cliff high above His invisible arms,
trusting that He will catch us. It means we will not grab at the
branches of argument, justification or accusation on the way down but
will look instead toward heaven as we fall, everything staked on His
Word to us.

We can trust the Father. Jesus has shown us that He will
never betray our trust; He will always catch us. Our Father is faithful
and kind. His mercy endures forever. He will never leave us or forsake
us, and He will forgive us over and over again.

Furthermore, His Spirit will guide us into all truth and
teach us supernaturally what we could never figure out intellectually.
Out of the manifest love of God comes the confidence to deal honestly,
openly and fearlessly with the conflicts we face as we encounter daily a
stumbling world and our own flesh.

Without grace, how awful we can be to one another! How
locked into continual pain and insecurity we are when our identity is in
what we try to be instead of who we are in Christ. As we abandon our
laws of worthiness and accept His unconditional love for us, we will be
able to face conflict seeking truth rather than concentrating on
self-protection. It is possible to cast our cares on Him and trust His
ways with abandon when we face what we fear.

As we open our hearts, we learn to be true peacemakers.
When grace has taken hold and we know how much we are loved by God, we
can experience conflict without rancor and address it without being
intimidated. Because we have tasted His heart-changing love and
forgiveness for ourselves, we are convinced that He has the power to
change and reconcile others’ hearts as well. Out of this conviction, we
will have the courage to lovingly and openly address difficult issues
and help bring genuine resolution.

Remember that as we give up our weaknesses and receive
God’s strength in the face of conflict, grace will own the day. 

Joyce Strong is a teacher, counselor and author of
several books, including Lambs on the Ledge (Christian
Publications) and Instruments for His Glory (Creation House). She
and her husband, Jim, live in Gahanna, Ohio.