Why You Need to Stop the Christian Performance

I did not want to live without Jesus and His help. But I could not live with Him either, consistently faced with the reality of what I had done.

Then slowly–ever so slowly–the process of God’s healing power began to peek over my dismal horizon as I daily chose to give up the ideas of who I thought God was. The aloneness I had experienced was the plan of God to reintroduce me to a brand-new concept of life–Jesus.

It took all the years of my growing up in the church, through Bible school and into adulthood and ministry to come face-to-face with a holy God amid the shambles of my life. I had no “props” to support me or any trophies to justify my worth. There was no proving that I had done enough good to merit God’s blessing upon me. There I stood, naked and alone before my Maker with nothing to offer Him but all my misunderstandings, bad attitudes, and a lot of pain and fear.

Then, with nothing but brokenness to offer and His mercy to appeal to, I heard Him say, “Ahh, now we can begin again.” Instantly, the walls of my performance orientation began to penetrate the darkness of shame’s imprisoning walls. Through the valley of the shadow of death, I finally met the real Jesus.

Up to this point, I had lived my life thinking, I am what I do. I was a gifted musician and worship leader, and it was easy to find my identity in those things. From time to time I would revolt against this pigeonhole I found myself in. I wanted to be treated like a person rather than a commodity, but the transition was too great.

But now I saw that even through the darkness that had overtaken my soul, a thread of hope had been woven into the tapestry of my life, bringing a true revelation of His glorious calling. God did have a plan for me in spite of the enemy’s designs to destroy the precious seed. And Jesus was literally redeeming my life from the pit, setting me free from the lies that defined me.

That day I began a journey, which I intend to pursue as my life’s goal: to consistently acknowledge my utter dependence upon God; to allow myself the luxury of this holy quest; to find His favor outside of my “perfect” performance; and to cultivate an awareness of Him through living life and giving myself to Him.

The result? True worship.

Resting in Jesus

True worship flows out of freedom–the freedom to be real before God and, therefore, right with others. For me, that meant admitting my mistakes and humbling myself before my wife and friends. I had to fight my pride, my defensiveness and my desire to blame. I had broken their trust and left a lot of wreckage in my wake.