Resolving Unresolved Issues Within Your Marriage and Your Life

Have you ever had an issue or problem that you can’t seem to get over? No matter what you do and no matter how much you seem to pray, that thing that you have been struggling with seems to be ironclad at resisting any attempt of leaving.

This was something I struggled with for many, many years. After my husband and I reconciled and decided to give our marriage one more chance after years of infidelity, the issues that ensued after our getting back together started to mount. I would deal with one issue, so I thought—it would subside for a while only to have to re-emerge in an argument or maybe at another opportune time.

It constantly felt like I was in a losing battle within myself. Anger, rage, bitterness, sadness and then lots of shame would erupt like a volcano, only leaving me feeling helpless and hopeless that anything would change inside of me. All my prayers seemed to fall on deaf ears.

The Holy Spirit began to lead me towards teachings and sermons regarding trauma and the effects it has on our brain and body. After much prayer, research and inner healing, I knew trauma was the source of a lot of the constant struggles I was facing. And once I knew its origin … I then had to deal with it.

But the last thing I wanted to do was to mentally go back into that space. It was too painful—that was the reason I had walled it away in a safe place under lock and key. Some things that we go through in life can in fact be so traumatic that our brain will literally shut off that area that is holding the trauma.

I’m sure you might be thinking how nice it must be to “forget” the trauma you have experienced, and I completely understand that rationale. But, here’s the thing—unresolved trauma whether you remember it or not, your mind, body, emotions and decision-making still function out of that trauma, whether you realize it or not. You may not remember the trauma, but your body never forgets.

For me, trauma was very present in my life and I had no idea that it was there. But I was seeing, functioning, living and reacting from that place whether I knew it or even agreed with the fact of trauma.

I think of trauma like this: It’s like a mold in your house. It’s under the foundation where you don’t see it, but just because you don’t see it does not mean it won’t affect your health. And, if left undealt with, it can take over your whole home.

Trauma can stay hidden for a while, but slowly and surely it will surface. When it does, it will demand that you deal with it.

So many people I encounter struggle with trauma; whether it is from their childhood or as an adult, it’s a very real thing. Many are walking around looking through a lens of trauma, not even realizing that the way they live their lives, how they interact in society or how they react is out of a filter of trauma.

One thing I know is that God wants to heal every area of your heart. Every area you have experienced trauma or have been traumatized.  He wants to heal that.

So often emotional trauma is overlooked and minimized. You may think you have gotten over something when you have simply buried it and not dealt with it.

Just because you might not want to deal with something does not mean you won’t feel the effect of it. One thing I know is God cares about all your broken pieces and all your trauma.  He wants to mend your heart and put you back together again.

Ask yourself this: Is it easier to function as you are, or to work through the pain you have suffered? This is a question only you can answer, but know you are not alone and that there is help and support out there for you.

Brian and Elisha Magill are hosts of Healing the Broken Marriage Podcast and Elisha is an author of Making Beauty with the Ashes; How God Saved My Marriage. Brian and Elisha share openly, their story of marital struggles, the pitfalls along the way and how they ultimately overcame. Brian and Elisha’s story of how God reached down into their situation and turned things around is a miracle. Their journey will greatly strengthen your faith, give you tools and strategies to use in your own life as you witness the miracle of God’s power in action through these amazing stories. Visit their website at makingbeautywiththeashes.com and listen to this podcast to find out more about the couple’s redemption story.