importance of having other men in their lives who can hold them
accountable. They also recognize the value of helping other men.
Proverbs 27:17 says it well: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man
sharpens another” (NIV). We need one another in order to be sharp. We
also need to realize that every man is sharpened differently.
Accountability is not about asking a list of questions. It’s about
being involved in another man’s life. It’s coming alongside other men.
Godly men know they need to be accountable, but they don’t always know
what that looks like. I’ve been in good accountability relationships
and bad ones. I’ve noticed that the accountability partner has four key
responsibilities.
Each job is a skill that must be developed and used at the right time in order to be make the relationship work.
Cheer
The man who makes himself accountable needs to know he is not alone. He
needs to feel that someone is on his side. He needs someone to root for
him, but not from the sidelines. An accountability partner is right on
the field with him.
A
cheerleader encourages and should always be genuine in his
encouragement. He shouldn’t say “good job” if it’s not merited. Good
accountability partners don’t lie or give fake cheers just to boost
morale. The right type of cheering always says: “You can get there.
Hang in there. With God’s help, you can do it!”
Challenge
A man plateaus at times and settles into a comfortable level. This is
when the accountability partner needs to challenge. He needs to help
his friend stay focused on the big picture, the vision and the mission.
The accountability partner needs to help his friend see beyond his
current circumstances. This is a good stage at which to talk about the
kingdom of God, the gospel and eternal matters.
An
accountability partner should also challenge his friend when it is time
for the next step. A man needs courage to go into new territory. He
needs to know that taking a leap of faith and plowing new ground is
important to his growth as a man of God. Sometimes an accountability
partner will help a man see further than where he is and challenge him
to shoot higher.
Confront
Confronting a brother in Christ is the hardest job of an accountability
partner. No one likes to confront, but when a man is willfully sinning,
it is important that we step in and be “our brother’s keeper.”
Confrontation
is needed when there is negative momentum. When sin and failures occur
they need to be addressed. When a man is hardening his heart or not
willing to take the next step, he needs to be confronted over his
choices. When a man’s behavior is hurting others, it must be
confronted. Confession and repentance are the right responses to
confrontation.
Comfort
Every man
experiences hurts, wounds, disappointments and failures. But it takes a
man a long time to start talking about them. As your relationship
grows, your friend will begin to trust you with the deeper things. He
will slowly expose the hurts of his heart and his feelings about them.
This will require that you learn to comfort and be a caring friend.
A
good accountability partner knows that a man needs a close friend when
times are tough. He shows comfort by understanding his friend and being
willing to pray for him, cry with him and demonstrate commitment to
him.
The Right Time
Each of the
four roles has its time and place. The worst accountability
relationships are ones in which the accountability partner doesn’t know
what to do, or does what’s needed at the wrong time. For example, when
a man is hurting and needs comfort, that is not the time to confront
him or challenge him; when a man is willfully sinning, that is not the
time to sympathize with him or be his cheerleader.
Most
of us are better at some of these roles than we are at other ones.
That’s OK. Practice listening to the men you are working with. When a
man starts sharing how his week is going, ask yourself, “Does this man
need cheer, challenge, confrontation or comfort?”
Jeff Fisher is co-administrator of www.porntopurity.com.
He has 17 years of ministry experience that includes pastoring, church
planting, youth ministry and missions. He and his wife, Marsha, have
seen God restore and heal their marriage after Jeff revealed that he
had an Internet-pornography addiction. He recently started the podcast
“Top Tips For Sexual Purity,” available on iTunes. He can be reached at
[email protected]
Charisma Staff 
The Western Journal