Ask them:
Do you feel free to smile and be kind to all people you come across in our church?
Have you ever felt your smile or kindness was viewed with suspicion from others in our church?
Have you ever felt that you had to curb manifestations of Christian virtues such as love, joy, peace or hope because of concern you would be perceived as being too forward?
Do you feel free to greet your brothers in Christ in our church?
Do you feel free to approach your pastors in our church?
If you have the courage to ask these questions, kudos to you. Step 1 is actually realizing the problem. When we truly listen to women and give the freedom to speak honestly about such experiences, they are like the canary in the coal mine. Unhealthy interactions aren’t limited to single women, and such discussions may help uncover deeper patterns of relating between genders in the church.
As I conclude this three part series, I am reminded again of the Cornerstone of our faith. The Good News of Jesus is the key to getting us to better ways of relating between genders in the Church, ways that will play out in eternity.
1. Male and female, we are secure in Christ Jesus. There is no condemnation in Him, and we can face dysfunction around gender head on without being undone by our role in it.
2. In Christ, we are free from the chains of sin. We are no longer sin’s slave, and while we likely all know a Christian who sinned sexually, they didn’t have to. Sin’s chains are broken, and with any temptation, there is a way of escape. We don’t have to sin against a sister in Christ in our attitude in order not to sin with her in adultery or sexual sin. We have spiritual tools in Christ that make the Billy Graham rule look like a water hose in Niagara Falls.
3. We are exhorted in the Bible to stir up brotherly, phileo love in our congregations, but we are also equipped by the Spirit to do so. We do not do this work alone.
John 14:26 says: “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you everything and remind you of all that I told you.”
Galatians 5:13 says: “You, brothers, have been called to liberty. Only do not use liberty to give an opportunity to the flesh, but by love serve one another.”
After a sermon the next Sunday on how the gospel equips us for brotherly love, I had a chance to talk with the man who had turned away from me at church the week before. It turns out he had been accused years before of something inappropriate, and it left him scarred in his interactions with women at church. Oh, the weights we cast on each other sometimes! The Good News of Jesus preached that Sunday to our congregation coupled with the practical exhortation to think through how the gospel equips us for healthy relationships was powerful for positive change. I am hopeful that little changes like this in the hearts of individuals in separate churches will snowball into big changes throughout the evangelical world for the purification of the church.
Adapted from Wendy Alsup’s blog, theologyforwomen.org. Wendy has authored three books, including The Gospel-Centered Woman. She is also a wife, mom and college math teacher who loves ministering to women.
