Let’s get right to the facts. A little under three years into my marriage, it was anything but roses.
The days of remembering our vows were long gone, and communication had all but dried up. The only thing I needed to do was the last thing I wanted to do. What was it? Man up and talk to my wife.
Days, weeks and even months were passing along, and I still couldn’t bring myself to talk to my wife. Yes, of course, we could talk in general and even put on the necessary “everything is perfect” act around friends and family members. But when it came to life-breathing, marriage-saving words, well, they just couldn’t come out of me. If you could admit it, many of you would agree with me.
So I did what I think many other men are doing in their marriages today. I went looking for help in all the wrong places. Here are a couple of the wrong places I decided to seek help:
- Another woman, whom I hardly knew and who wasn’t even married
- Multiple online forums and message boards
- Family
I attempted to seek answers from the above options for months. People I had never even met would sympathize with me. They would tell me stories or share about their struggles and current bad situation.
I felt like the other woman understood me when we talked about my struggles, but I finally realized she could never fix what I needed to fix. And although my family supported me in whatever I chose to do in life, I knew they were saddened and disappointed. These were all roads with dead ends, and I was slowing learning that fact.
With time and my marriage ticking away, I finally decided to get humble and seek answers the right way. Here are a couple of the correct places I decided to seek help from:
- Married men I knew had a good marriage
- God, by giving my marriage over to Him and trusting Him
- My wife, by finally—and honestly—talking to her
Joseph Mattera 
BJ Foster 
Shelby Bowen 
