Kingdom Marriages: When Healing Hurts

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Elisha Magill

What do you do when the pain from healing feels too great? That statement can sound confusing, so let me break it down further.

For me, I suffered through four infidelities in our marriage over a span of 12 years. With each new affair came a wave of old emotions from the previous affair that were now exacerbated, plus adding many new emotions that I was unfamiliar with.

Trying to figure out how to navigate the old emotions that are now very present along with all the new friends that have come to the party felt very, very overwhelming to say the least.

This is what it looks like when infidelity comes to your house. It meets you at the door and challenges you in ways you never would have imagined. When this happens, you are faced with the question, “Do I pick up all the pieces of my marriage, or do I grab the broom and throw it all away?”

For me, when I was staring at the broken pieces of my marriage all over the floor, it was very tempting to go grab the broom. But God had a different plan for us. He never forces His plan on us; it’s always a choice—us choosing His plan. I knew His plan would be better than my own, although I did not know how it would be. I reluctantly gave God the small amount of faith I had. I gave Him my mustard seed.

God is in the process of rebuilding with you whatever is broken. Recovering from infidelity is painful, but if you are going to heal, you will have to go through the pain from healing. Pain with recovery has purpose.

Much like having surgery, sometimes the recovery portion can be worse than the actual surgery itself. Sometimes the healing can take longer than expected, so give yourself grace. Recovery hurts, counseling hurts, therapy hurts, confronting old issues and getting to the root hurts. Recovery is painful, but there is purpose in the pain.

Many times in my own healing journey from infidelity I would try to rush myself to be OK because that is what everyone wanted for me. And although their desire for me was not wrong, the pressure to be OK when I was not OK was damaging.

I want to encourage you that it’s OK to not be OK. Healing is a process; it’s not a sprint—healing takes time. I want to give you permission to not rush your healing process because of other people’s expectations of you. Just relieve them of that non-obligation.

Sometimes healing and recovery can take a while, but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting better. The pain you are feeling is part of the process of healing, but the anesthesia to that pain is found in Jesus and the hope we have that He will make all things (even the hard situation you are in right now) work together for your good (Rom. 8:28).

If you are in a painful place right now, I want to encourage you: This won’t last forever; you will heal. Tomorrow is coming, and if you will endure this night, joy comes in the morning. {eoa}

Brian and Elisha Magill are the hosts of Healing the Broken Marriage podcast, and Elisha is the author of Making Beauty With the Ashes: How God Saved My Marriage. Brian and Elisha openly share their story of marital struggles, the pitfalls along the way and how they ultimately overcame. Brian and Elisha’s story of how God reached down into their situation and turned things around is a miracle. Their journey will greatly strengthen your faith and give you tools and strategies to use in your own life as you witness the miracle of God’s power in action through these amazing stories. To find out more about their redemption story, listen to their full podcast on Healing the Broken Marriage podcast here.

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