When Your Husband is Spiritually Clueless

Dealing With Anger Another common emotion is anger–anger directed at your husband or even at God for not seeming to act on your behalf. Hebrews 6:1 tells us that God’s desire is that we all become spiritually mature.

You see other husbands growing spiritually. So why is your husband the one dragging his spiritual feet?

Many Christian women have confided to me that their husbands won’t pray with them. Many have said they’ve had to take responsibility for family devotions–otherwise there would be none. And week after week, many women have had to bring their children to church by themselves.

How easy it is for anger to build up in such circumstances! But over time, anger can be stored and, if not resolved, turn into resentment and bitterness. When that happens, aggressive behaviors, either passive or overt, can begin to destroy the unity and intimacy that God intended for your marriage.

Again, we can go to God’s Word for insight. Ephesians 4:22-33 says that we must not sin in our anger but rather be “made new” in the attitude of our minds. We must “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger” and “speak truthfully” to our neighbor. And in this case, your husband is your closest neighbor!

If you have spoken the truth–without anger or rage–about God’s desire for your husband’s spiritual maturity and his response is not what you had hoped for, you can find further instruction in 1 John 3:18: Love him “with actions and in truth.”

Addressing marriage in particular, 1 Peter 3:1-6 says that you can win your husband to Christ by your godly actions and behavior–by living a pure, reverent life; by exhibiting a gentle and quiet spirit; and by remaining hopeful and not giving way to fear. Obeying God’s commands with a heart full of love pleases Him. In this attitude of faith, humility and love, you can “receive from Him anything” you ask (1 John 3:21-22).

No Comparison Sadness and rejection are two more common emotions experienced by women who are not able to share spiritually with their husbands. The grief and pain are very real, to be sure.

There is a special closeness, a deep connectedness, that comes in a marriage when a man and woman are growing together in the Lord. When that’s not happening in your marriage, observing other couples who seem to share spiritual intimacy only adds to your hurt.

It doesn’t help to deny the truth. You must face the pain of grieving to ultimately regain hope and joy.

How you respond in your particular situation is critical. Each marriage is unique. There is no point in comparing your marriage with another. In fact, God tells us not to compare ourselves with others (see Gal. 6:4).

Instead, ask yourself these questions:

Are you listening for the Lord’s voice? What direction is He giving you?
Are you interceding for your husband and your marriage?
Have you called on other godly women to pray for your situation?
Have you sought godly counsel from your pastor?
Is there a trusted Christian male friend who could begin to mentor your husband? Some men may not know how to get started on their spiritual journeys and could use the encouragement of a fellow journeyman.

The Spiritual and the Natural God’s will for you and your husband is that you be united–“one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Spouses are to be in mutual submission (see Eph. 5:21).

Yet I have known Christian women who believed the Lord was calling them into ministries that would take them away from home for days and weeks at a time. Their husbands and children were not convinced that the Lord had called them out.

The women went anyway. Unfortunately, some of these women began to experience major spiritual and natural battles in their homes.

This is not always the case, of course. There are those who have genuinely received a call from God and whose families support their efforts and accommodate the women’s commitment to follow the Lord. But in order to “live a life worthy of the calling [we] have received,” it is important to “make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1,3).

God may indeed be calling you. Perhaps He is giving you a vision of things to come. Just as we anticipate the birth of a baby by preparing for its arrival, you can begin to prepare for what God is birthing in you spiritually. Then when the time is right, you will be ready.