Although it happened nearly 20 years ago and I’ve long since been forgiven, it’s still painful to think about the harm I inadvertently caused my own child. I was a young mother of two very active children, feeling stressed out and desperate for a break. In my selfishness, I had become all about me. My 7-year-old daughter had always had issues with separation anxiety but had been exceptionally clingy during our beach vacation with my extended family. I explain more detail in Too Loved to be Lost, but, in essence, I abandoned my child. No explanation. No good-byes. No closure. I simply disappeared and didn’t come back. She placed her trust in me, but I lost sight of what a privilege it is to be trusted completely by another living soul and callously betrayed that innocent trust. I disregarded her needs and thought only of my own, resulting in a damaged relationship.
Sadly, it took a very long time to regain her trust.
As hideous as it was, this experience enabled me to grasp fully that we have a heavenly parent who will never betray us or forsake our trust. Fallible humans will always let us down, but our Papa God won’t. “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Heb. 13:5, NIV).
Q: Why are strong friendships with other women so important? How can lonely women find more personal connection in our digital world?
Women are wired emotionally to need girlfriends. We need occasional silliness, moments of reckless feminine abandon, a safe place to stash our secrets where they won’t leak.
Girlfriends are the way we learn how to love unconditionally, just as our Godfriend loves us. “A friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17, NIV). We learn to overlook zits, burps and hideous hair days and honestly believe that this special person who hears the song down deep in our hearts is the most beautiful creature on earth.
The very same way Papa views us.
Through loving on our girlfriends, we learn forgiveness, compassion, mercy and grace: character traits straight from the heart of God. To me, one of the most important things I gain from time with my besties is laughter—pure, soul-freeing, stress-dissolving belly laughter. I believe laughter is the catalyst that releases the joy of the Lord in our souls, and nothing bubbles up joy like the hilarity of girlfriend giggles.
The way to find girlfriends of like minds and hearts is by proactively seeking them. Don’t wait for them to fall into your lap. You might be 93 by the time that happens. Search for them through women’s Bible studies, prayer groups, special interest groups and community functions. Connecting online is great, but it’s important that your cyber relationship morph into a face-to-face girlfriend relationship too at some point. Sharing special moments of our day online is icing on the cake, but hey, we need the cake! The actual physical relationship is important. Coloring your hair purple together or laughing until the Coke spurts out your nose just doesn’t happen online.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” Amen!
Q: Where does your passion to minister to women come from?
I would have given anything as a young woman desiring to grow in my faith to have a like-hearted girlfriend come alongside me to help encourage and equip me for my life journey. I would have wanted her to speak truth frankly and without reservation, but laced with lots of humor, grace and Godiva.
So that’s what I’m trying to accomplish with my “Take on Life Series,” which includes not only Too Loved to be Lost, but its predecessors Fear, Faith, and a Fistful of Chocolate, More Beauty, Less Beast and Too Blessed to be Stressed. Each book addresses heart needs of women and offers true laugh-out-loud stories, applicable scriptures and girlfriend-to-girlfriend chic chats to promote healing, refreshment and transformation.
Q: What is the single most important takeaway from Too Loved to Be Lost?
Papa God’s love is never too lost or too late. For once we fall in love—into Papa’s love—we can never fall back out of it. It’s secure, safe, forever. We can’t do anything so vile we lose it. We can’t forget about it so long it fades away. It’ll never rust, corrode or mildew. No one can break it, ruin it or rip it away from us.
The truth is that Papa God loves each of us from the bottom of His heart, and His heart is bottomless.
Learn more about Debora M. Coty and Too Loved to Be Lost at www.deboracoty.com, on Facebook orTwitter (@
Join Debora M. Coty for a live Facebook party on October 28 at 8:00 PM EDT. Click here for more details!
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