In my struggle to accept the fact that I couldn’t change my daughter, I realized I had to learn how to live with an unsolved problem. There wasn’t anything I could do about her addiction, depression, self-harm and other issues. There was no way I could fix her. Impossible.
However, over the years, I discovered there are a few things I can do—with God’s supernatural help. Today I believe they apply to any problem we’re powerless to solve.
Five Things We Can Do
1) Detach. Don’t enable, nag, control or protect anymore. This takes practice. Stop making our children’s problems our problems. Pull back (yet still find ways to show love) from the chaos and allow them to accept full responsibility for their choices. Quit talking to the one who isn’t listening and start talking to the One who is—God. We may not be in control, but He is and He will work where we cannot.
2) Cultivate a grateful heart. Focus on the good in our lives. This redirects our thoughts from the negative to the positive. We can always find something to be thankful for.
3) Trust God. This is a key to less worry and more joy. We can know that whatever happens—whether our child is okay or not—we will be all right because we are not alone. The God of the universe will always be with us.
4) Take one day at a time. God can help us refuse guilt about the past and make peace with our fears about the future. In Him, we can live victoriously right now—in the present. We can cope moment by moment filled with His grace and strength.
5) Reach out for help. When we isolate and withdraw, we hurt ourselves. For believers, one place we can reach out to is the church—the body of Christ. Another is support groups like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Celebrate Recovery and Hope for Hurting Parents. Groups exist for a wide variety of issues. Sometimes we may need professional help. My point is that we need to surround ourselves with community—safe, caring, understanding people. If you need help finding a counselor in your area, message us and we’ll guide you.
By doing these five things hurting parents can learn to live with an unsolved problem—anyone can. With God, we can do what we thought we never could. The Bible supports this belief:
The Serenity Prayer has helped thousands. Why not make it your own right now?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference. Amen. {eoa}
Dena Yohe is the author of You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids (2017). Co-founder of Hope for Hurting Parents, she is a blogger, former pastor’s wife and CRU affiliate staff. She and her husband, Tom, have been guests on “Family Talk With Dr. James Dobson,” “Family Life” with Dennis Rainey” and “Focus on the Family” with Jim Daly. A proud mom of three adult children, she loves being Mimi to her grandchildren. Find out more at HopeForHurtingParents.com.
This article originally appeared at hopeforhurtingparents.com.
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