But because God had met me at the crash site, I now trusted Him to help me pick up the shattered pieces of my life and transform them into a tool for ministry to others. And that is just what He has done. The result is a life that overflows with gratitude that I am forgiven. And such undeserved forgiveness is manifested in praise that is demonstrated in heartfelt worship.
As the years have passed, I’ve come to believe the responsibility that I assumed by confessing my sin to my wife and the church elders has produced an “on purpose” accountability that is now a comfort rather than a constraint. In submitting to an extended process of restoration, the Lord has truly restored me to my family and to the ministry that He called me to years ago.
Today I want to live and be free to love Him potentially more than yesterday. The pathway of learning that nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus has been paved with pain, but it has taken me to a place of grace–the promised land–where life is no longer dependent on my performance but on His undeserved forgiveness and favor. I now live, breathe and find my life in Him.
The ongoing, progressive revelation of God as my loving heavenly Father and His truth caused me to finally find Him and the answers I had searched for all my life. I finally realized the truth that “He who has entered His rest has himself also [rested] from his works” (Heb. 4:10, NKJV). A lifestyle that is pleasing to God is one that finds its rest in Him so that He can do His work in us and eventually through us. Someone has said that we must constantly beware that the work we are doing for God does not interfere with the work He is doing in us.
My time with God in private devotion and worship became very much the same as tending a garden. It took a serious investment of time and energy before the Lord brought permanent change to my life through personal times of devotion.
It became evident to me that just as certain seeds need more time than others to germinate, God’s truths have germination times as well. Some truths of God and His character are more easily assimilated than others. More time is necessary for the deeper truths because of the extent of their root systems.
I begged God for the miraculous “zap” that would turn me into the holy, righteous and godly person I desired to be. I asked Him to “grow me up” in a hurry, but He didn’t work like that. He used the process of time-developed relationship to show me that His principles of sowing and reaping are both natural and spiritual laws.
I learned that lasting changes happen over life, not overnight. We don’t get a life–we cultivate a life. It must cost us something because we must invest in the land to fully appreciate it. Financial investments, job seniority, child rearing and education all fall into this same category. Paying the price includes time, energy and money.
Likewise, there is a cost to the pursuit of holiness that most are unaware of or perhaps unwilling to pay. And many who are willing are looking for the bargain rate. The price of holiness, however, never goes on sale. We who have invested time and energy walking out of a performance-based relationship with God often find it hard to know what to do with the idea of investing in godliness without stepping right back onto “the stage.”
Our challenge is to establish the fact in our hearts that the love of God is forever secured and cannot be earned or shaken. But the blessings of God are contingent upon our obedience. If the Lord says, “Seek My face,” our response must be, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”
I’m reminded of King David’s plan to build an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor. The property was being given to David by the owner, but David would not accept it. He said, “No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price; nor will I offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing” (2 Sam. 24:24). It would seem that David understood the need to “pursue” God by making his search valuable and calculated.
There was something uniquely special about David’s ability to express himself. What was it that enabled him to freely and emotionally articulate his praise and worship as well as his pain and fears to God? Could it be the simplicity of an open heart before Him?
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