How You Can Make God Smile

God Is Pleased When We Receive

We were excited and a little nervous. “You push the doorbell.”

“No, you push the doorbell.” How did we end up in northern Idaho, standing on the front porch of John Loren Sandford, a man we dearly admired but had no idea we would ever meet?

I had written John, thanking him for allowing us to reference a quote in our book and to express how he and his recently departed wife, Paula, had inspired Mark and me to team-teach and minister together. I mentioned that it would be wonderful to meet him and that perhaps we could take a detour on our trip out West. We really had no expectation of that becoming a reality. John’s quick response and invitation to stay at his home surprised us.

We added 800 miles to our road trip just to spend time with this wonderful man and brother in Christ. Our three days and nights with John were relaxing in some respects and challenging in others. Between tours of the town, home-cooked meals, Western movies and baseball games on TV, we spent hours before the Lord asking Him to show us anything we needed to know.

Early into our visit we shared with John God’s promise of a creative miracle and the 20-year journey of trust. He responded, “When I first saw you two come through the door, the Lord told me He was going to do that, but I wasn’t going to mention it until you said something.” That was not what we expected to hear, but it was exciting.

The Lord taught us much through John. The first revelation came when Mark shared the story of when his older twin sisters first saw him and how they cried inconsolably. Mark spoke of the inner vow he made to never allow anyone to be disappointed because of him again. He also went on to assure John that he had renounced and broken that vow, and much good had resulted.

Now John spoke. He gently expressed that even though Mark had correctly perceived the lie that his spirit had taken in as an infant, Mark the adult now needed to acknowledge that his understanding of why his sisters cried was incorrect. The inner vow he made put him on constant alert to try to control other people’s emotions. He didn’t want anyone to ever feel pain. This prevented him from seeing what his sisters’ tears really meant. John said, “Mark, your sisters didn’t cry because they were disappointed. They cried because they loved you and were sad for you.”

That thought had never occurred to Mark, and a single tear began to roll down his cheek. The idea of someone reacting with sadness out of love for him was completely new and tender territory. John explained it was time to open his heart and receive the love he didn’t take in as an infant. It was time to renounce control and to realize that people were going to feel emotions regarding his disability. It was a crippling illusion and inappropriate to think that he should try to prevent this. Mark had to allow people to feel emotions for him. He had to permit them to express sorrow for him, have joy for him, and feel for and with him. He had to allow people to feel the way they needed and wished to without controlling.

The next question from John pushed another button in Mark. He asked, “What if God wants to give you an arm and hand just because He loves you, just a good gift from a Father to His son? What if it is not being given to you for the sake of others? What if it is not being given so you’ll pray more effectively for others to receive their miracles?”

Mark’s response was intense and immediate, “I don’t want that; I couldn’t handle the guilt. I think the guilt would crush me.”

With John’s 50-plus years of leading people through inner healing and writing books used around the world on the topic, the word guilt waved a big red flag. “Why would you feel guilty, Mark?” he asked.

“Aren’t you worthy of receiving a gift from your heavenly Father?” Layer by layer the Holy Spirit uncovered other beliefs that Mark didn’t even know he held on to. These thoughts were:

• If we receive our promise, and others who see or hear us have not yet received theirs, it will trigger sorrow and grief in them, and they will feel overlooked by God. We would be unhappy and guilt-ridden to have received such a great miracle unless others also receive theirs.
• God will not receive glory because our miracle will cause others to focus on what they do not yet have.
• After we receive our miracle, we must be used by God to pray for others, and they must receive their creative miracles. From our earliest training in praying for the sick, we were taught that God will do through us what He has done to us. When Mark first traveled with Randy Clark, he would pray for people through the night. We pictured ourselves doing the same.

We came to realize that God may be thinking differently. Receiving ministry from John left us with much to process. We decided to go out to breakfast the next morning to try to sort things through. So over warm plates of eggs, bacon and pancakes Mark and I talked and explored these new thoughts with each other and with the Lord. We thought it might help to bring up scenarios we had only allowed ourselves to discuss out loud on rare occasions.

We imagined ourselves standing on a stage with Mark’s arm and hand fully formed. We could envision people being filled with joy for us over how God had moved. We then asked ourselves, What if people, rather than feeling grieved and overlooked by God because their own circumstances had not yet changed, felt a sense of awe and reverence toward God because of what He did for us? What if no one asked us to pray for them because they were overcome with joy over what had already happened?

What if it will be a moment like the one described in Psalm 126: “When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dreamed. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’ The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Restore our fortunes, Lord. … Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him” (vv. 1-6, emphasis added).

Little by little we came to realize that though we attempted to be selfless in our thinking about future ministry, we had really made this whole thing much too much about us. We had taken control away from God and decided for ourselves what life should look like after the miracle happened based on our past experiences. The Holy Spirit revealed that it was difficult for us to receive God’s unconditional love from Him and others.

The condition we had placed on God’s gift was that we should be able to give it away or we would crumble in guilt. With much prayer we came to the place of laying down our preconceived notions of what life should be like after the miracle. We laid it at the foot of His wonderful, freeing cross and chose to take our hands off. We did this by asking God to forgive us for taking control away from Him.