5. Pray with the mother. The same fear that keeps us from engaging with moms who are grieving—”I don’t know what to say!”—keeps us from praying with moms who are grieving. We fear that we won’t know what to pray or that we’ll say something stupid. And we might.
But prayer is a gift we can give to moms who are hurting. You don’t have to have the right words to say. Pray in silence. Pray from a book of prayers. Pray Scripture.
Prayer reminds grieving moms that their hurts matter to you and matter to God.
6. Remember and return to the mother’s loss. As weeks and months and years go by, it can be tempting to believe that if we don’t mention her painful loss, we are doing a mother a service by not making her revisit it.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Moms don’t forget. In fact, the writer of Isaiah uses this very absurd hyperbole to demonstrate God’s own holy remembering: “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?” (Is. 49:15).
The intuitive answer is, “No, of course not! Impossible!”
The prophet continues, “Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” (Is. 49:15).
God does not forget us—in our hurt and loss and grief—and the mom you love does not forget her child. She doesn’t forget after the funeral. She doesn’t forget after she’s returned to work. She doesn’t forget when she gives birth to another child. She never forgets.
Mark the child’s birthday and anniversary of his or her death on your calendar so you can continue to connect with the mother who has not forgotten.
I know how scary it can feel to walk alongside mothers who have lost a child. But as you do, know you are not alone. As you walk with mothers in their grief, you minister—with your face and voice and body—the words from God’s own lips, “I will not forget you!” (Is. 49:15). {eoa}
Linda Znachko is the author of He Knows Your Name and founder of the ministry by the same name. He Knows Your Name gives children a name in life and dignity and honor in death. She also partners with mothers who do not want their children’s legacies to be the circumstances of their death. Her aim is to assist the grieving to find healing and purpose in knowing every life is sacred to God. A sought-after speaker, Znachko works to bring attention to the problem of abandoned, unwanted and marginalized children.
For more information about Znachko and her ministry, visit heknowsyourname.org, on Facebook (HeKnowsYourNameMinistry) and via Twitter (@LindaZnachko).
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