Then came the lie: God would understand if you just gave
up. You have fought a good fight. Go ahead; kill yourself.
Some of you may be appalled at this revelation. I can hear
you saying, “You’re supposed to be a mighty woman of God!”
Perhaps the greater danger you are to the kingdom of
darkness, the more vicious the attacks you will encounter as God’s
servant. But you might not realize it at the time because you don’t feel
like much of a threat.
That is precisely the enemy’s plan. I know that what
happened to me that night was not drug-induced, because I had already
finished off the bottle of pain pills.
From somewhere within me, strength and determination arose
from a storehouse of God’s Word deep in my spirit, and I shouted out in
that darkness, “No!” It wasn’t really that loud, but in my weakness I
thought it shook the house.
I literally had the thought, Devil, if you think I’m going
to die and leave my jewelry to some 18-year-old girl my husband will
marry six weeks after I’m gone, you’re crazy. And this carpet I believed
God for, and my new copper pots and my garden tub…You can forget it.
Out loud I said, “In Jesus’ name, I’m not going!”
When I uttered the precious name of Jesus, that evil
presence, which I believe was a demon of suicide, vanished. In its place
came a sweet, fragrant presence.
Although sleep did not come immediately, the intoxicating
aroma of the sweet Holy One filled the room.
As I lay on my side in a fetal position, there, barely
visible in the shadows, was a tall man waving his arm back and forth
over my body. As his arm approached my face, I distinctly felt the brush
of feathers against my cheek.
Next Thing I Knew, It Was Morning
Up until that night I had been unable to walk from my bed
to the bathroom without assistance. But by the next evening, the
gnawing, relentless pain in my side had mysteriously stopped.
My season of physical suffering was not yet ended, but one
major battle in an ongoing war had been won. Praise God!
When my husband called me the following evening after his
church service, he asked how I was feeling. Because of my inability to
share simple highlights, I began a long discourse detailing the previous
night’s suffering.
Expecting him to immediately hop on a plane and come home
to me, I was understandably surprised when my wonderful, loving husband
very patiently laid out, not only the plan of the enemy, but also our
victorious outcome.
“Cathy, would you say that this attack last night was the
worst you have ever been through?”
“Yes, Honey.”
“And Cathy, would you say that you were at the very lowest
point you have ever been in your life?”
“Yes, Honey.” (I felt as if I were being cross-examined by
Perry Mason.)
“So, Cathy, in other words, the devil, who was at his
best, was no match for you at your worst.”
At that, I swung my legs out on the other side of the bed
and started shouting, “I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it.” Over and
over I shouted it as I danced around the room.
Truth had come and set me free! The reality had sunk in
that greater is He who is in me at my lowest than he who is in the world
at his best!
Did I ever have doubts or setbacks? Of course I did. I
would not be truthful if I didn’t tell you that every once in a while, a
sudden, stabbing pain would come out of nowhere and the enemy would
say, “See, you’re not healed. It was all in your head. You are not a
good enough Christian to get healed. You don’t pray, fast or read your
Bible enough.”
During those times, I would literally put my hands on my
head and scream, “No, Satan! I refuse to argue my commitment to my Lord
with you. The blood of Jesus and His Word testify against you. Besides
that, you are a liar!”
You may feel so alone right now. You may believe you
cannot possibly make it through your own trial. You may feel that what
you are currently experiencing is more than you can bear.
Rejoice, child of God! There is hope. The Lord who is in
you at your lowest is greater than Satan is at his greatest.
I thought I wanted to die. In addition to being physically
ill, I also went through a horrible time of missing my father after he
passed away.
I knew that only death could bring us together again. But
that’s the big lie. If I had killed myself, I would never have achieved
the goal of being with my daddy.
Jesus said: “I have come that they may have life, and that
they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10, NKJV). I had to reach
out and lay hold of that abundant life, and you must do the same. Push
through the hard places, and cling to God, who is your Rock. I promise
you that things will turn around.
Cathy Lechner ministers with humor and prophetic
anointing in churches and conferences around the world. She is the
author of I Hope God’s Promises Come to Pass Before My Body Parts Go
South and the recent release, You’ve Got to Be Kidding, I
Thought This Was the Great Tribulation! from Creation House
Publishers.
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