Gender Confusion: A Link to Leadership in the Home?

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A lack of male leadership in the home has its pitfalls in many cases.

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. For part one, click here.

If you were to survey most homes, in an in depth manner, you will find the majority of them have a dynamic where the mother is in a more active spiritual leadership role than the father is. God created a safe leadership structure where the man is to lead the home, as he is submitted to Christ and the Father. A true patriarchal leader can only lead when he is first submitted to the work of Christ in His heart, as he experiences the covering power of Father God.

That is what male leadership means in the home—covering. He creates a safe atmosphere where everyone feels protected and safe to grow and develop. The covering creates a spiritual protection that keeps a spirit of confusion from having an influence.

Most people do not know what healthy male leadership looks like. The topic can make some people uncomfortable, because their reference is dysfunctional. But healthy male leadership is empowering and freeing for all involved. A man first leads through initiating growth in his own life and then by initiating healthy decision for the family.

A man cannot be fully shown how to be a man through female relationships. Masculinity is bestowed through a man’s relationship with his father. A man must lead his sons into stages of what it means to be a man. Leaving a male to figure this out on his own can be a prescription for disaster.

Even though a woman needs mentoring from a mother on what it means to be a female, the father brings confirmation to who she is through how he relates to her. Many women can struggle with being more masculine, because her feminine beauty was not called out and affirmed.

When true leadership is absent in the home, the wife will step into carrying both male and female leadership responsibilities. This allows for a disruption in the designed order of the home, thus allowing for realms of confusion to trickle into the lives of the children. 

A house divided. Order in the home involves healthy leadership structure, but also unity in the oneness of the marriage bond. A house divided cannot stand, nor can it effectively carry out the power of covenant in the home.

When Melissa and I got married, we recognized that we carried a work of division between males and females in our generations. Most people do. We worked diligently to repent of that and drive out the wedge that keeps us from loving each other and working together to lead our home effectively.

My wife is a strong leader and me being the primary leader in the home actually empowers my wife’s leadership to a greater level. Yet we could not shift to a healthy order without first addressing the division that would seek to prevent us from living in powerful covenant.

Modern culture has made marriages that live as roommates an acceptable norm. This plague has bothered the incoming generation, who has opted out of marriage to pursue the practice of cohabitation. Making covenant has become less important, because the modeled framework was more frightening than inviting.

More and more parents are not getting married, while many married couples live on a plateau in their commitment to each other. Our children have often witnessed disorder, disunity and lack of order in the structure of the home. This context welcomes confusion in mass effect.

God is not the author of confusion, but of peace (1 Cor. 14:33). He created the home structure to be one that protects the family from threats against His peace. The same-sex attraction and gender discussion is more than a personal breakdown of an individual’s sexual preference, it is revealing the breakdown of our overall family structure.

The investment of health in the home has been neglected by Christians and non-Christians alike. Working, achieving and personal brokenness have kept us from guarding and investing into our homes as a high priority. 

The confusion does not just impact personal identity or sexual orientation. It has an effect on brain health, mental development and social effectiveness. I believe the rise of developmental delays, learning disabilities and even many mental illness factors spawn from the confusion that has broken into our generations.

The longing for intimacy. Same-sex attraction brings out what the heart truly longs for—intimacy. This intimacy has not been filled in the proper context, so it looks for a counterfeit source for fulfillment. When a man becomes sexually attracted to another man, what he really longs for is a healthy emotional connection with another male, but Satan has now perverted it. The enemy always takes a valid need and adds a counterfeit twist to it—stealing the beauty of what a healthy relationship could really be.

Growing up in my life, two guys hugging was often joked about as being “gay.” Men sharing feelings was absent. The relational dynamic of David and Jonathan in the Bible was a foreign concept. Even in the Gospels, John, the beloved disciple of Jesus, was recorded as laying his head on the chest of our Savior. This was not sexual nor inappropriate. This was an honest and pure expression of connection that has been lost over the centuries. Most today would immediately put a label of homosexuality on any kind of exchange like that. Our references have been distorted.

I personally know of many men who avoided getting close to other men because they feared engaging inappropriately. What they needed was a healthy intimacy from another man, but it was absent from their life and especially their father. Other men had little to offer. The only environment that offered connection was in a same-sex attraction context. 

Where Do We Go From Here?

There’s no condemnation in this subject. So if you have this issue in your family, there is no need to point fingers, blame or accuse. This is the time to sober assessment and reconstruction. Now more than ever, our Father in heaven needs to be welcomed into the fabric of our homes to restore relational connection.

Instead of being busy with lots of activity, lets get busy with authentic sharing and connection. Instead of preaching and lecturing, let’s spend our time creating safe environments for people to work through their battles and grow in truth. The hard work of restoring God’s order begins in each of our own homes. 

Restoring the Father’s heart is the end times message. Malachi’s prophecy still echoes to this day and is true now more than ever. The healing of the land involves the restoration of the father’s heart to the sons, while the sons also restore themselves to the father.

“See, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreaded day of the Lord. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:5-6, MEV).

This post may cause more questions than answers. What factors do you think are helpful in addressing this subject? {eoa}

Mark DeJesus has been equipping people in a full time capacity since 1995, serving in various roles, including, teaching people of all ages, communicating through music, authoring books, leading and mentoring. Mark is a teacher, author and mentor who uses many communication mediums, including the written word, a weekly radio podcast show and videos. His deepest call involves equipping people to live as overcomers. Through understanding inside out transformation, Mark’s message involves getting to the root of issues that contribute to the breakdown of our relationships, our health and our day to day peace. Out of their own personal renewal, Mark and Melissa founded Turning Hearts Ministries, a ministry dedicated to inside out transformation. Mark also founded Transformed You, a communication platform for Mark’s teachings, writing and broadcasts that are designed to encourage people in their journey of transformation.

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