“It was grandpa wasn’t it?” I remember knowing exactly who she was talking about when she said she’d been sexually abused as a child.
“How did you know?” she asked.
And for reasons I can’t explain I shut the lid to whatever memories I had put into my own dark place. “I don’t know, I just guessed.” I lied. I had kept the rapes that happened to me a secret for so long having the wounds of them gaping in the open was enough for me to handle at the moment.
It wasn’t long before my mom’s confession that my older sister came forward and finally spoke of the abuse she had incurred at the hands of our grandfather. I still wouldn’t speak. Some secrets are buried too deep.
At the age of 40 my walls crumbled and the memories flooded back like a nightmare invading my peaceful life. I had always known but held back by shame, fear of the memories, and even a hint of personal disbelief. I didn’t want to admit that he had infiltrated the entire family. He was a man I loved and adored who harbored a monster inside his soul.
I have forgiven my mother for not speaking up sooner. She had repressed her own nightmare for so long, desperate to want the normal family without the stigma of abuse. As many survivors I’ve come in contact with they believe it was only happening to them. They had done something wrong, or instigated the abuse.
When we break the seal of silence, we shatter the illusion and save lives. Bringing awareness to the devastating reality of abuse, in all forms — sexual, physical, verbal, mental, and emotional — we allow the generation today and the ones to come to realize these behaviors are not normal and not to be tolerated. Allowing survivors to have a voice and speak of their past abuse without shame also empowers the generations to speak up.
No matter what age you are or at what point the abuse occurred, I encourage you to find a safe person to speak to, a family member, friend, minister, priest, or therapist.
As Paul encouraged Christians in Ephesus, revealing what’s been done to us ‘in secret’ brings us out of the darkness and into Christ’s healing light.
“Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention the things done by them in secret; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says: ‘Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light‘” (Eph. 5:11-14).
Shannon M. Deitz is an award-winning author and speaker, recently listed as one of the best authors in Houston by CBS Houston Radio. For more information about Shannon Deitz and Hopeful Hearts Ministry, please visit www.hopefulheartsministry.com.
Janet Perez Eckles 
Shawn Akers 
Abby Trivett 
