Choosing the Right Person for Life
With these truths in mind, how then do we make the right decision about marriage?
Men have Prov. 31 as their guide in discovering the incomparable worth of a woman to Jesus and where life can go for her by the grace of God. The greatest question, as it relates to marriage, is simple: does she want to go there? What defines success for her? What is life about? Dating is a great time to search out the answers to these questions, to discover if the first seeds of romance will ultimately blossom into respect in the years to come. “Is this a woman whom I will be attracted to?” is the wrong question to ask. The laws of attraction will change as the heart matures.
The right question is, “Will this be a woman I will respect in the decades to come?” Is she interesting and potentially fascinating in ways that go far beyond physical attraction? Is she about the right things for the right reasons, and does she have the potential to follow through on those convictions consistently over time? She may stumble, and she may have many moments of weakness in the years to come—but is she oriented rightly in her heart towards Jesus, and is her life vision wrapped in His loving gaze?
For women, Eph. 5 also serves as an able guide. That young man who is seeking to win your heart—where is his heart going? While he may be a rough stone in the moment, is there a jewel underneath waiting to be discovered? A young man can have the right values and the right convictions without the present maturity to walk them out. A vision for growing in love must be connected to a vision to grow in respect on the bride’s side of things as well. Is this a man that desires to pursue the love of Jesus—experiencing it, understanding it and expressing it? Is this a man that has the integrity of heart to keep reaching for this goal even when he fails? How does he handle failure and hardship? How does he govern, lead, and serve?
The secret I always give young women is a very simple one: watch how that young man treats waiters and waitresses when you are out to eat together. How does he treat them? Is it about him, or does he have the capacity to be about others? Are they beneath him related to his money and temporary power over them, or does he treat them with kindness, dignity and genuine interest? I find this secret test of the heart to be a far more effective one than the “mom test,” which can be deceiving. Failing this test is never a deal-breaker in the relationship, but this brief window into his heart is a great opening for asking certain questions related to how he views you, your future, and your destiny.
Permission to Do It Badly
When I share about these truths from Scripture, I often hear a small but real twinge of regret from those who are married. Usually, it is a simple confession: “I wish I had heard this sooner in life.” I had never heard these things either, but learned them later on. The glory of the kindness and mercy of God is that His grace is enough for the truths we believe today. When we did not know better, He helped us get through our ignorance. While we may know “better” today, He still helps us grow through our immaturity in walking out what we now know. God takes our marriage covenant more seriously than we do. Therefore, He is infinitely committed to helping us walk it out regardless of how much ignorance and immaturity we walk in.
Our part is found in sincerity—the earnest desire to love God and others well. We say yes by faith to His definitions and value systems. We grow in grace, by grace. We start out in a very rough way, but things smooth out over time as we stay with it. The great thing about being introduced to new truths is that there is no such thing as too late in the kingdom of God. Repentance always brings us into a fresh start as we seek to walk out truths that are new but newly dear to our hearts. If you are fearful about your future, your marriage and your weakness in relationships, today is a great day to turn again to the mercy of God and the riches of His grace. It is His joy to overwhelm you with kindness and incomparable help in laying hold of His heart for you and your relationship.
If you’re seeking a special place to encounter Jesus and His love, we invite you to Onething, Dec. 28–31, in Kansas City. Speakers and worship leaders include Mike Bickle, Allen Hood, Bill Johnson, Todd White, Matt Maher, Audrey Assad, Bethel Music’s Jonathan David and Melissa Helser and many more.
Republished with permission from DavidSliker.com.
What advice would you give about choosing a spouse?
David Sliker is a senior leader at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, where he lives with his wife, Tracey, and their four children. He is an instructor at International House of Prayer University, where he teaches biblical studies, prayer and eschatology. David is the author of three books, End Times Simplified, Old Testament Survey and Biblical Foundations of Eschatology.
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