When Your Marriage Brings Pain and Problems, Try Scripture’s Surprising Solution

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Marti Pieper

Pain. Problems. If you’re married, you’ve almost certainly faced them. And marital experts Jay and Laura Laffoon are no exception.

“We talk about ‘the big three’ in marriage,” says Jay in the Laffoons’ interview on the Hope for Your Marriage series on the Charisma Podcast Network. “The big three areas that you will disagree on the most are money, intimacy and family. And then you wrap all of that up in the fact that men and women communicate very differently, process very differently, receive very differently. Those three can become really, really explosive.”

What’s a couple to do? The Laffoons’ surprising answer is also the title of their new book: Celebrate Your Marriage. But, Jay emphasizes, “that doesn’t mean we don’t have trials. It doesn’t mean we don’t have arguments. We argue passionately in our house. But what it does mean is that we’re not afraid to laugh at ourselves, when we can really look in the mirror and go, ‘Did I just say that? Did those words just come out of my mouth? And oh my goodness, I’m such a ding-dong.”

“It was actually Martin Luther, the great Reformer, who said … ‘I judge the depth of a man’s face by his ability to laugh,'” Jay adds. This is one of the greatest theological minds that ever existed. And he didn’t judge a man by his ability to exegete Scripture, by his ability to pray; it was his ability to laugh. Because I think Luther understood that life is difficult, but Scripture is clear: ‘Laughter doeth like good medicine.'”

When times are tough, Jay says, “You’ve got to take a break. You’ve got to take a break from the thinking about it all the time and the arguing and the discussion to say, ‘You know what? We just need a half-hour of doing something fun,’ and maybe that’s just a walk. … Maybe we just need to go get an ice cream sundae or … just step out of the situation for a little while.”

And Laura adds an important word: “We titled our ministry ‘Celebrate Ministries’ because we do want to encourage people to celebrate what God has brought together and the way He’s uniquely gifted you and put you together and remember that you are each other’s biggest fans, even in the midst of crisis and loss and arguments and discussions and parenting issues and all the stuff that life throws at us,” she says. “You are each other’s biggest fans, and God brought you together for a reason. So celebrate that; celebrate that every day.”

To learn more about how to celebrate your marriage in good times and bad, listen to this fun and inspiring podcast.

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