It’s Friday night. Your 19-year-
old college student has been invited to a “rave” (a large, all-night dance party). Friends tell her it’s the hot new thing. Curious, she accepts. As she walks into the club, someone whisks her away and hands her a tiny pill called ecstasy.

“Take this and you’ll be able to dance all night. You’ll have lots of energy and feel great.”

“Really?” your daughter responds. “Sounds intriguing.”

What your daughter–and many other teens who are being exposed to this drug–may not know is that ecstasy isn’t harmless fun. The potential consequences of this now popular “club drug” include serious psychological and physical damage. For those who choose to experiment, the promise of ecstasy often leads to agony.

You may have heard about ecstasy, or E, as it’s often referred to on the street. Other names include “XTC,” “Adam,” “Clarity,” and “Lover’s Speed.” The chemical properties of ecstasy (Methylenedioxmethamphetamine, or MDMA) are similar to stimulant amphetamines and the hallucinogen mescaline. Thus, the effects of it are both stimulant and psychedelic.

Ecstasy is said to be the staple at raves. The drug became illegal in 1985, but its use, according to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, is reportedly increasing in 20 metropolitan areas studied. The heaviest users (1.4 million people) are those between the ages of 18 and 25.

This designer drug is produced in clandestine laboratories and is a molecular alteration of an existing drug. Taken in high doses, it can be extremely dangerous and even fatal. When it is combined with alcohol, the potential for harm increases.

Here is what teens say about tripping after taking the oral or capsule form of ecstasy: “I am wired, happy, clear, don’t care, have energy, feel relaxed and uninhibited, and nothing bothers me.” But after the ride, the comments change to: “I feel depressed, desperate, hung over, exhausted, edgy and paranoid–and I want more.”

This cycle of a high followed by a letdown repeats every time the drug is used. The more frequent the use, the greater the potential for becoming psychologically dependent on the drug. Studies show that it is physically addictive as well. And the side effects are scary:

Confusion, depression, sleep problems, anxiety and paranoia that can last for weeks after the drug is taken

Increased body temperature that can lead to muscle breakdown and cardiovascular system failure

An ability to sustain long bouts of physical exercise that can lead to dehydration, hypertension and heart or kidney failure

Increased heart rate and blood pressure

Potentially long-lasting and perhaps permanent damage to neurons that release serotonin. Serotonin plays a role in regulating emotion, memory, sleep, pain and other processes.

If you choose to take the little “happy pill,”remember: At best, you’ll get high; at worst, you could die. Also, you never know if what you are taking has been “laced”–mixed with some other substances that could be lethal.

Parents need to educate their children on this and other “club drugs.” Teens may be confronted with the pill and should know how to respond. Teach them to think twice before following the crowd.

Some kids may be tempted to experiment out of curiosity and must be made aware of the seriousness of such a decision. Other kids need help dealing with underlying problems that lead to drug abuse such as feeling inadequate or powerless, being stressed to the point of looking for ways to escape reality, and struggling with poor coping skills or family dysfunction. And if the spiritual life of a teen or young adult is not strong, there is little help to fight off temptation.

Obviously, the best weapon against any kind of drug use is an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Teens who are heavenly connected are less likely to search for happiness and unfulfilled needs through substances.

Encourage your teen to stay plugged in to the true power source. A strong parental connection is also a major deterrent to any bad teen behavior. *

Taken in high doses, ecstasy
can be extremely
dangerous.

Linda S. Mintle, Ph.D., is a Chicago-based licensed clinical social worker and author of Getting Unstuck (Creation House), available at . She welcomes your questions about the tough issues of life at .

As Christians who are not in the public eye, most of us will be spared the drama President Clinton experienced as a result of his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. However, a number of us may have to deal with the reality of an extramarital affair.

Bill and Dawn are a good example. Married for seven years, they hit a bump in the road when Dawn, who worked in a male-dominated engineering firm, began going to lunch with one of her male co-workers.

Initially their conversation was friendly but platonic. However, it became more intimate as time went by, and before long, it had led to a physical relationship.

Dawn admitted the affair to Bill. He was devastated. Unsure how to handle the breach of marital covenant, he called a close Christian friend. The friend suggested that Bill leave his wife and make her pay for humiliating him. He had a biblical “out.”

Another Christian friend had a different approach. He asked Bill if his wife would go to counseling to try to reconcile the relationship. Bill didn’t know what Dawn wanted.

The friend suggested that Bill think about what God wanted in the situation. God permits divorce in cases of adultery, but nowhere in the Bible does He demand or encourage divorce, not even for adultery.

The model of Christ is forgiveness
and reconciliation. Christ commands both. Many spouses are willing to
forgive adultery but unwilling to reconcile the relationship. Sadly, they choose to exercise their biblical “out” even with a partner who confesses and repents from his or her sin and wants to reconcile.

There is no question about the fact that extramarital affairs are devastating to marriages. The consequences are serious and sometimes life-threatening, given the transmission of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Furthermore, the trauma a spouse experiences with the discovery of an affair is significant. Symptoms are similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder: anxiety attacks, grief, anger, hostility and so on.

Nonetheless, infidelity does not doom marriages to failure. Whether a couple can pick up the broken pieces of a tenuous relationship has everything to do with their willingness to exercise the grace and forgiveness of God. These do not come naturally, given the breach. But through the Spirit, people can do unnatural things.

If we believe God is able to heal tumors, cancers and diseases of the body, we can believe He is able to heal broken relationships. The problem is, many of us don’t want healing by way of restoration. We prefer to leave the marriage and then be healed.

If you have a partner who has confessed an affair, is willing to receive counseling and is determined to change, work with him or her and believe God for reconciliation. Affairs are usually symptomatic of deeper issues that need to be resolved, and restoration of the marriage will require the participation of both spouses. Here are some steps to take to begin the process:

1. Cease all contact with the person outside the marriage who was involved in the affair.

2. Express feelings related to the crisis.

3. Identify what made you vulnerable to an affair.

4. Figure out what the affair meant. Did you lose your spiritual grounding or want to hurt your partner? Are you afraid of intimacy, or is there some other reason for it occurring?

5. Forgive. Unforgiveness leads to bitterness and a host of physical and psychological problems.

6. Build caring moments into the relationship again.

7. Move toward reconciliation. Restore trust by trustworthy behavior and assurance. Don’t live in fear of a recurrence. Determine to do things God’s way.

8. Get counseling that incorporates the Word, prayer and leading of the Holy Spirit. There may be multiple wounds to be healed.

9. Don’t live in continual condemnation after trust and true repentance have been established.

10. Believe God can restore what was broken and lost. This is His business. Your past is not a prologue to your future in God. *

Dr. Laura, the well-known radio talk-show host who ends her daily program by saying, “Now go take on the day,” may have to change her directive to “Go take on the gay”–gay activists, that is! Dr. Laura was recently the target of an all-out attack by gay activists.

Her offense against the gay community was that she dared to voice her personal belief that homosexuality is a “biological error” and “deviant.” She emphatically stated that she doesn’t hate gays and supports the idea of reparative therapy for those who want to change their sexuality.

But she also declared, “I always told people who opposed homosexuality that they were homophobic, bad, bigoted and idiotic. I was wrong. It is destructive.”

Since those re- marks were spoken, gay activists, fueled by the mental health community, have responded with a vengeance. The May 29 issue of Broadcasting and Cable had a full-page ad slamming Dr. Laura with the intent to scare advertisers away from her new TV show. The National Mental Health Association, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance, People for the American Way, The National Conference for Community and Justice, and The National Organization for Women were sponsors.

The March issue of the NASW (National Association of Social Workers) News–the source that informs social workers about developments in professional practice–printed an article that says the NASW opposes the use of reparative and conversion therapies with gay and lesbian clients.

Reparative therapy, particularly the Christian variety, tries to help gays develop “healthy, non-sexual, same-sex relationships” and abstain from homosexual activity.

NASW referenced recent studies “that indicate these types of therapies are ineffective and damaging to clients.” However, no actual references were provided.

At the February meeting of the Council of Representatives of the American Psychological Association (APA), guidelines for psychotherapy with gay, lesbian and bisexual people were adopted. Reparative therapy was strongly discouraged.

A panel discussion on gay therapy scheduled for the May APA convention was cancelled. Ironically, Dr. Robert Spitzer, who was instrumental in removing homosexuality from the list of mental disorders in 1973, organized the debate. Spitzer, a psychiatry professor at Columbia University, wanted the APA to debate the subject of whether or not gays can change their sexual orientation.

According to a May 18 report in the Chicago Tribune, Spitzer is impartial on the subject and wants science vs. opinion to guide the debate. He believes anecdotal records of people’s conversions need to be documented scientifically.

There is no evidence saying conversion can’t happen. In fact, Spitzer’s pilot study supports the idea that change is possible for some people. The fact that the scientific community is too frightened to debate the subject speaks to the power of gay politics.

Apparently gay activists have redefined tolerance to include politically correct bigotry against anyone who holds religious truths as sacred. They can’t tolerate Dr. Laura’s opinion because it doesn’t line up with theirs. So they mount an all-out campaign against her new fall TV show and redefine speaking out about a religious view as bigotry.

You should be concerned. This is about more than Dr. Laura. It’s about having a religious belief redefined as something discriminatory. It’s about political correctness taken to new heights of censoring not only speech, but also the way people believe. And it’s about dictating what the mental health community can and cannot do with someone who requests reparative therapy based on his or her religious beliefs. When psychologists won’t even debate homosexuality because of fear of retribution, something is wrong.

I once thought persecution for stating religious beliefs was reserved for overseas martyrs. After Dr. Laura’s treatment in the media, I’m not so sure.

Exposure to violent video games can increase aggressive behavior.

Remember the first video games that came out about 25 years ago–Pong and Pac Man? They seemed harmless enough. How much aggression could be stirred up by watching a ball bounce across a screen or a small cartoon creature eat dots?

But consider the popular games of today. Violence abounds. Even in a cartoon game like Super Mario Brothers, the play involves destroying other creatures.

In a recent study (Dietz, 1998) involving Sega and Nintendo video games, nearly 80 percent were found to be violent in nature. Twenty-one percent were deemed violent toward women.

The game creators and manufacturers contend that violent video games are only entertainment, that kids know the difference between real and fictional violence. They downplay the potential harm to kids. But according to recent studies, their opinions are, at best, uninformed.

The truth is, according to studies published in the April 2000 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, exposure to violent video games can increase aggressive behavior over both the short and the long term. These studies support the idea that violent video games may be potentially more dangerous than television and movies.

Here’s why:

* In many video games, the player is asked to assume the character of the aggressor and control his or her actions. Being able to identify with an aggressor heightens aggression.

* Game players are active participants. Rather than watching passively, as in the case of television and movies, kids interact electronically with the game. They have the opportunity to choose to act aggressively. The responses they learn can lead to later aggression.

* Violent video games often have rewards and punishments that reinforce performing aggressive behavior. When a child playing a game chooses a violent behavior and then is rewarded, he sees an advantage in becoming aggressive.

In combination, these three strategies of modeling, rehearsing and rewarding violence provide a powerful learning environment for children. The games increase kids’ knowledge of violence and allow them to practice it. Should we be surprised, then, when kids act out in violent and aggressive ways?

The studies indicated that the relationship between aggression and violent video games was stronger for men and people who already had aggressive traits. Playing the games was also positively related to delinquency!

Sadly, the production of these games is not decreasing. In spite of the results of studies such as the ones I have cited and the controversy over the role violent video games have played in recent school shootings, violent video production continues.

Why? Because violence, like sex, sells!

If I sound annoyed, I am. As a mom, I find the production of this material not only offensive but also potentially harmful to our kids. I also find it paradoxical that in a country that verbalizes concern for children and spends millions of dollars on programs to help aggressive kids, we ignore the marketplace’s contribution to violence.

Please don’t talk to me about First Amendment freedoms. I know people have the right to produce violent videos. The question is, should they? Common sense, and now science, tell us this isn’t healthy.

What can you do?

First, refuse to buy violent games. Second, speak against the production and sale of this material every chance you get. Third, agree with other parents to keep one another up-to-date regarding the research.

For your own children, monitor exposure to games, keeping tabs on what games are played at your own home, as well as at other people’s homes. Discuss the potential effects of playing the games. Teach your children the importance of guarding their hearts and minds. Model nonviolent ways to handle conflict. Finally, fill your children’s minds with the things of God.

Make a decision today to keep these games out of your homes. Contrary to popular opinion, they are more than entertainment–they are a source of very real harm to our kids.

The best protection against addiction is filling yourself full of the Word of God.

The current statistics for substance abuse in our country are staggering. An estimated 13.6 million Americans are users of illicit drugs. Of that number, 9.9 percent are teens ages 12-17. Twelve million Americans are heavy drinkers. Illegal consumption of alcohol by minors affects 10.5 million teens.

Substance abuse is based, in part, on a need to feel powerful in interpersonal relationships. People are deceived into thinking substances will solve their interpersonal discomfort and medicate pain. Opening the door to substance use begins the addictive process and allows demonic forces to build strongholds.

What can you do to prevent members of your family from becoming a statistic?

Know your family history. If addiction is rampant in your family line, you are at risk. This doesn’t mean you are doomed to become an abuser, but it does mean you are a possible candidate.

Build a strong self-concept based on who you are in Christ. Your worth is not dependent on what others say or on what you have accomplished. Your worth is based on God’s love for you. Build yourself up by learning what His Word says about you.

Doing this will help you develop social and coping skills. People who can deal effectively with interpersonal relationships are less likely to need other sources of power. Those who learn how to manage stress and how to relax won’t need to turn to drugs to help them.

Don’t use escape and avoidance as solutions to conflict. Instead, model healthy ways to deal with conflict and stress. Solve problems when they arise. Learn confrontation, problem solving and negotiation skills.

Be vigilant with your children. Give your children lots of adult supervision. Know where, when and with whom they spend their time.

Talk with them about emotions and experiences. Help your children identify and manage feelings without being ruled by them. We all have negative feelings; it’s what we do with them that matters.

Show them unconditional love. Be open and generous with your praise. Demonstrate and verbalize your love often.

Talk with them about values and the need for balance and moderation in all aspects of life. Individual accountability should be high on your list.

When you have to discipline, focus on behavior. The idea is to teach children how to behave, not to demoralize them with criticism and shame. You want to bring out the best in your child.

Try to help your children identify their needs, and then respond. Be physically, emotionally and spiritually available to your kids. Don’t force them to go outside the family to have their needs met.

Establish clear and consistent rules and boundaries for them. The absence of boundaries leaves children feeling confused and frightened. Structure and limits help build self-control.

Develop a unified parenting coalition. You and your spouse must agree on parenting issues. Work out your differences, and present a strong front.

But keep your home a place of joy and relaxation. Learn how to have fun as a family and enjoy one another.

If you work on having a strong family, you greatly lessen the chances of a family member turning to drugs or alcohol. Of course you also must attend to the spiritual condition of each member. Without a personal relationship with Christ there will be a longing for something bigger and more powerful than self. This search propels some people toward substance abuse.

Family members must be taught how to resist the devil. If a family is not grounded in the truth–the Word of God–members can be easily seduced. The best protection against addiction is filling yourself so full of the Word of God that you can tell the enemy to take a hike when he comes to deceive you. The Bible says, “Submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you” (James 4:7, NKJV).

A strong family system grounded in the Word of God is a great defense against the temptations of the enemy. This along with prayer, trusting God and living in the authority you have in Christ will go a long way toward keeping you and your loved ones free from the grip of substance abuse.

Subtance abuse occurs because people want to feel powerful in relationships.

As a therapist, I’m fascinated by TV shows that chronicle the lives of famous people. I learn a lot by watching their journeys through life. One night I got caught up in a series on the self-destruction of rock stars.

Each rock star’s rise to fame took a similar path. First there was a major disconnect with family through absence, abuse or tragedy, resulting in an early loss of innocence. Music became an outlet of creativity and expression. A sudden rise in fame was followed by a long and dark journey into drugs, sex and basic self-destruction. The end result was near or actual death.

The pattern was repeated with such regularity that it became old. I kept thinking: Why don’t these guys get it? They all make the same mistakes and end up destroyed.

Empty and searching for meaning, they all tried to deal with the powerlessness of their lives in the same way. When they realized that no amount of money, sex or fame could fill the empty spots in their souls, they turned to drugs.

The most striking similarity was the depth of deception involved in the substance abuse. Comments such as, “I’m invincible,” “Only one more hit,” “I can stop,” “This makes me more creative,” “I don’t care,” “I like the feeling,” “It helps me relax” and “I’m going to quit” were frequently repeated.

Even when the stars were confronted with the overdose deaths of fellow band members, they continued to use drugs. The power of substances over their lives was incredibly strong.

Suddenly I realized: These rock stars are no different than most people. In fact, these rock stars actually are “most people” who get caught up in something bigger than they can control. They open themselves to wrong influences to fill a void.

The question is, Why, as harmful as these substances are, do so many people turn to them? Don’t they know drugs always lead to a dead end? Don’t they see the terrible destruction brought on by addiction?

Most people think that substance abuse develops out of a need to escape problems, pain or bad feelings. But our need to escape is universal, so there must be more involved.

I believe substance abuse occurs because people want to feel powerful in interpersonal relationships. Think about it: When someone is drunk or high they wield an incredible amount of power over those around them. They are in charge because everyone’s behavior revolves around their altered state.

Although we know people may be predisposed toward substance abuse by factors of heredity, a desire for power helps explain the lure. It was this desire that led to Satan’s being ousted from heaven. He saw God’s glory, wanted to be like Him and became the enemy of God.

The promise of power was one of the temptations Satan brought before Jesus in the wilderness. Satan offered Jesus the world if He would fall down and worship him. He tried to coerce Jesus into accepting immediate gratification and fame.

The devil uses this formula with all of us. The power he offers is rooted in the acquisition of temporal things on which the world places great value–fame, control, money, sex and more.

But his power comes with a price–ultimate destruction of the soul. Substance abuse destroys. It is not a long-term solution for anything.

Satan takes those who are suffering and feeling inadequate and powerless in their lives and gives them a false sense of power. Ask any substance abuser: There is an initial feeling of power when you take drugs.

Eventually the addiction takes hold, and what you thought you had power over has power over you. That’s why the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous is to admit your powerlessness.

In order to overcome any addiction, you must begin with the belief that only God can fix your feelings of inadequacy. Refuse to be tempted by anything the world offers as a solution to your emptiness. Don’t allow yourself to be deceived. The only real power is that of the cross.

Remember: The cross means victory. When Jesus died, He triumphed over deception, destruction and death. And in your weakness, He is made strong. Linda S. Mintle, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical social worker based in Chicago. The author of Getting Unstuck (Creation House), she welcomes your questions about relationships and emotional problems.

What do you do if your child comes home one day and announces he or she is gay? This act of self-disclosure presents an incredible challenge for Christian parents, especially in light of the deep chasm between secular thought on homosexuality and the biblical approach.

More than Thirity years ago secular psychiatry and psychology declared that homosexuality is not a disorder or some form of psychopathology. Twelve years ago, the American Psychological Association took the stance that Christian reparative therapy (therapy aimed at loving gays out of their lifestyle and into a right relationship with God) was not only scientifically ineffective but also unnecessary and possibly harmful.

Naturally, as a Christian parent, you will choose to adhere to biblical morality and not the current cultural opinion. However, it is important that you not cut off the parent-child relationship. Too many Christian parents are overcome with fear–fear they’ll be ostracized by their peers, fear of their own failure and fear of lovingly facing their own children.

It might help to ask yourself the following questions:

1. Did I love my child prior to knowing their sexual identity?

Of course! They are a part of you, and nothing will change that, not even their self-proclaimed sexuality. The parent-child relationship should be based on unconditional love.

This doesn’t mean you find their sexuality morally acceptable. It means you love them in spite of what they say they are. That’s the way God loves us. We disappoint Him, sin, have moral failures and rebel, but He still loves us because we are His children.

2. Does their sexuality define our relationship?

Hopefully not, even though it may be a tremendous disappointment to you. Deal with it but don’t get stuck in it. Talk to them. Stay connected and committed to wanting the best for them. If you need more support, get involved with an organization that provides counsel. You may be surprised at the well-organized efforts of many Christians who reach out to gays.

If you feel disgusted (as many parents do), try not to focus on the behavior. Focus on what may have led to the behavior.

Many gays struggle with self-abasement. You don’t want to add to feelings of inadequacy by rejecting a child who is desperate for your love. Their seeking same-sex partners may be driven by the need to be accepted.

Begin to discuss with your child when their sexual feelings became apparent, how they developed, when they were first acted upon and how they came to the conclusion they did about their sexual identity. I know this is a difficult step for parents to take, but it’s a necessary one. Working with a Christian therapist who has experience dealing with homosexuals might help.

3. What would Jesus do in this situation?

Jesus loves the gay person but never approves of the lifestyle. His Word declares homosexual behavior is a sin.

However, when He was on earth, Jesus socialized with sinners. If He were here now, He would be hanging out with gays, loving them and frequenting AIDS hospices. Jesus healed the brokenhearted. He told us to do the same.

Many Christian counseling groups and “ex-gays” are committed to helping gays come out of the lifestyle and live a holy life before God. They will be the first to tell you, it’s not an easy task. Even those who want to leave the lifestyle experience a strong pull to stay in it. Some do find total freedom. Others struggle with their impulses and regularly fight homosexual tendencies. The important thing is not the struggle but the daily overcoming.

Realize that your child is in a difficult place and is searching for authentic love. Don’t get preachy. Don’t look at them as less of a human being.

Ask God to give you wisdom to deal with your child in love. Be willing to look at your part of the problem and start making changes. Your demonstrated acceptance may be the key to change. Rather than alienating them, choose to be part of their healing.

Linda S. Mintle, PH.D., is a licensed clinical social worker based in Chicago. She welcomes your questions about relationships, emotional problems and the tough issues of life.